Has Anyone Recovered, then Reached out to Support a Sibling?

[RecoveredMe]

Hello 
After 23 years of dedicated flow, although still processing, I consider myself recovered from CPTSD and associated conditions with full awareness, that there may be things buried yet to uncover. A sibling has been asking for a number of years (3) if I would join in on the conversation about her care in that she believes she isn't getting the support she needs. Advocacy, I am discovering, is super stressful and I feel like I am wandering around blindly in the dark using a hit and miss method of trying to sort out how to best be of support.
Has anyone else gone through this? Recovered, then attempted to be a resource to your sibling? It is great that she wants to recover, and I am finding she has great resiliency, and organically in our encounters I have been teaching her some of the skills I learned to be a resource to her. She is asking support for healing from the trauma, the dissociation, body dysmorphia and other things. My number one concern is her safety. I've recovered because I've had safety and support. She ends up in and out of hospitals and has period of disappearance where she doesn't know where she has been.

[Three Roses]

Sorry, I have no insight, but wanted to at least respond. In my case, my sibling was one of my abusers and will take no responsibility for what he did.

[Lingurine]

Hi RecoveredMe  and welcome. I too have no experience in helping a sibling because all they ever did was adding to the abuse of my parents and going NC with my FOO was the best thing I ever did for myself. I wish you good luck helping your sibling though 

Lingurine

[fullofsoundandfury]

 

Hello beautiful heart,
Congratulations on your commitment and work in recovery!!!! Impressive! You're literally a hero.

Watch very, very closely for codependence in yourself while you do this. Darlene Lancier explains everyday codependence beautifully in her books. It can be very hard to see because its bedrock sounds true : I should help my sister. Reasonable! Can get out of hand though in very subtle, verrrry distressing ways.

Decide clearly on your boundaries now, today, and don't let yourself forget them. Be honest with yourself about how much stress you are willing to endure.

Your sibling is probably a bottomless pit who could demand more and more resources and time from you, at this stage of her recovery.
Remember that you are subconsciously viewed as an enemy to her unrecovered self, and she will be looking for reasons not to trust you. Relationships are the battle ground of CPTSD. She may set it up so you become engulfed in helping her. She may make you responsible. Her thinking is distorted, like mine was, like yours was.

Make sure you identify her flight fight type so you know when she's triggered.

If she is identified as a helpless victim and you are known as the strong, able, invincible, wise one, your rights and health may not be considered by her or others. The stress of advocating in an incredibly broken, illogical, corrupt and compromised system is profound and must be acknowledged. Some of my deepest wounds stem from the indifference of institutions that are supposed to help.

You are not a therapist. Trust me from experience, you trying to help her can destroy your relationship. Way too much burden on you. It gets in the way of just being sisters. A simple supportive sister relationship is very healthy for her. More so than you being a longterm advocate or you racking your brain trying to know the magic way to support her and teach her.
The best way for you to support her? Be your strong, authentic, real, whole, recovered self unapologetically. Sometimes teach her organically, sometimes don't. Just maintain you and make sure you are the most important person in the room to yourself, at all times.

Go in and advocate for her but please prioritise you.

Let me guess, you're older than her?

Can she concentrate enough to read? Give her Pete Walker's book!