Letter to little me

[Elphanigh]

Dear little El,

I know you were scared and terrified back then. You went through things no one should, and had no one to protect you. For years I placed blame on you for hurting your sister, and for then letting her get her out of selfishness. I know that was wrong, and I am sorry. I should have spent those years nurturing you, and reminding you that you are not the monster you came to believe that you were. The term monster was one you used on yourself regularly because you learned it from them. I wish I could have been there to tell you that it wasn't true, or wish that someone had done their job as an adult and saved you.

I promise to fight the urge to blame you, because I know it isn't your fault. I feel the tears you cried at those moments. I can feel the deep pain and failing that you felt at such a young age. I know what the term monster did to you, and how it became a part of you. It never belonged there, and I am sorry for believing it for so long. I will start to protect and adore you as you should have been in those years. I won't let their words and actions be what defines you anymore.

You were sweet, innocent, and attempted to protect everyone. I know you spent years protecting your siblings, friends, and even parents. You wanted everyone to be safe and well, even when it wasn't truly your job. You did it so well, I promise. Now you don't have to.

It wasn't your fault, you aren't that monster they told you that you were. I promise, to remember that. We can play and do things that you missed because of them.

Here is the hug I know that you always wanted,

Bigger El

[Three Roses]

Beautiful

[Elphanigh]

Thank you, Three Roses. Lots of revelations today, so felt the need to write this for myself. 

[woodsgnome]

Three Roses said this: Beautiful. I'll second that...

                             

Thanks for sharing this, Elphanigh.

                             

[Elphanigh]

Thank you Woodsgnome