PSI & SI

[silver_lining]

HI Everyone,

Today I am having one of those days, where I DO NOT WANT TO LIVE WITH THIS PAIN, I DONT want to live the the DYSFUNCTION I create in my life, and my relationships.
I have grown so much since starting my recovery process, but now feel so empty. I feel so irreversibly changed.

I have had passive suicide ideation on and off since I was 13. I am now 20 - and feel like, passive suicide ideation is one thing.  I don't want to live with this pain. I've always wanted to be a healthy functioning person, with a stable job, and healthy happy family! I couldn't imagine that life with now being fully aware of the depths of my internal pain and issues.

I am a very intellectually inclined women, but my emotion disregulation has taken away all my reasoning skills, and the mixed balance between the two have become too much.

Would honestly love someone to send me a PM so I can chat, can't talk to anyone at home rn.

UPDATE:   I got some help IRL,  but wanted to post and say I APPRECIATE EACH AND Everyone of you who reached out to me, and helped.  Thank you all, so so much.

[Dee]

Please listen to me, I have so been there.  Call a help line.  You can talk to them about the way you feel.  It doesn't mean you have to go to the hospital.  If it gets to that point you can discuss it.  They won't do anything without talking to you.  I have done both.  I have called and then worked out a plan that got me through the night.  I have also gone to the hospital.  As hard as it, is it did help me.  They can work out a safety plan and those plans really do help.  They want to help you and I want you to have the help.  It certainly doesn't hurt anything to call.  Really, you have nothing to lose, nothing.

I am a strong, educated person.  I got help when I needed it.  It was so hard, but I did it and you can too!

[Three Roses]

My heart aches for the pain you are in! You are an important part of this community, and your voice matters. Please let your voice continue to be heard, we need you.

There are many organizations, as Dee mentions, that can help you. I hope you decide to let yourself reach out and feel the compassion that waits for you. You don't need to go thru this alone. Here are some options:

Befrienders Worldwide provides emotional support worldwide to prevent suicide - http://www.befrienders.org

The International Association for Suicide Prevention (IASP)  provides information about where to find help around the world - http://www.iasp.info/resources/Crisis_Centres/

Your Life Counts - provides a comprehensive list of crisis hot lines and organizations around the world - http://www.yourlifecounts.org/need-help/crisis-lines

We care about you and will be here to support and validate you. Safe hug to you if you want it.

[sanmagic7]

i missed you last nite,  but  just wanted to echo what's already been said and let you know that you're not alone, we can get thru this dang-blasted pain together.  i know how neverending it seems, how it just won't go away, how it pops up with a new head over and over.    whack-a-mole.  there is something inside us, tho, that continues to reach out.  that's just what you did.

i honor that 'something' inside you.  sending you a hug filled with compassion and care - and hope.

[Kizzie]

So glad you did get some help IRL Silver Lining, that's exactly what is any of us needs to do if we are experiencing a crisis.  I was in the same position a few years ago,  reached out and now four years later I am making slow but steady progress in recovery and healing.  I hope the same is true for you now that you have some professional help. In addition to therapy what helped me was to come here and talk about the reasons I developed CPTSD and discuss ways to heal and recover with others who get it.  So, keep on posting