Results of physical neglect

[Inky]

I've been dealing with some serious dental issues again and I wondered if those who suffered neglect wanted to unload some physical outcomes. A lot of these never occurred to me as a big deal until looking back and realizing most kids probably had more attentive parents to help or teach basic skills.
And of course they're super embarrassing so I feel even more shame about them!
— I had lice for at least a year. I think a lot of kids get lice but I could not get rid of it, and of course I was in a new school just like every year. My habit of never complaining about anything to anyone at least kept me from getting mocked at school, but it felt like it was never going to go away despite my mom knowing.
— I remember waking up once and realizing something was really wrong with my ear and hearing. It turns out I had so much wax build-up that it had blocked my hearing.
— one time I got a perm (old school I know). You have to sit there to let it set for a long time and I got this huge acid burn on my neck. Another example of my resistance to complain or self-advocate. This isn't really my parents fault, but it's evidence of how I had learned to deal w/ issues.
— and of course my teeth. Things were way too effed up to get me to a dentist or practice regular dental care, and my shame about the state they're in now often keeps me from getting help. Sigh.
Weird stuff.

[ah]

Hi Inky,
I really relate to this, I have lots of issues due to neglect but I never thought about them as clearly as you have here. I'll need to give it some thought and see if I can come up with a list...
There were times when I'd go to school really filthy for long periods of time, and I remember getting a deep cut in school once when the school nurse was surprised I didn't flinch when she cleaned it. No self advocating or complaining

[Dee]

Wow, this brings up a lot for me.

I was never taught how to take care of myself, nor was I taken care of.  I was regularly bathed, but that is a different story.   I was also so passive I never spoke up for myself and still struggle.   I can really identify with what you wrote.

I was never taught anything about my body.  Anything I learned was in school.

Little things like cutting finger and toenails (I would rip them off from a young age).  Lotion didn't exist and kids made fun of my scaly legs.  The big one I never learned about was feminine hygiene.  To this day I can't ask questions and I am embarrassed that there is a whole isle of products most of which I still don't understand.     I didn't know what dental floss was for most of my childhood.

The biggest thing for me was that I was never taken to the doctor, even though my dad's insurance covered 100% of my care.  I would have my friends steal antibiotics for my chronic ear infections.  I learned that, after an older cousin once gave me some antibiotics when my eardrum broke and I wasn't taken to the doctor.  I once had a pneumonia and it wasn't until I was on death's door before I was taken to the hospital.

[Rowan]

Could we have a trigger warning on this thread please...

** TW**

I've serious dental issues. I'm paranoid about my teeth, clean them obsessively well, thanks to a dental assault, and necessary emergency dentistry at an early age. The former was a dentist who didn't believe in waiting or testing for anaesthetia before performing work, the latter was as a toddler, I fell, and hit my jaw hard on the kitchen counter - broke a few baby teeth and bit the sides off my tongue (which needed stitching back together). The latter one I get flashbacks from.

Don't necessarily believe that your dental issues are as a result of neglect, there may be deep trauma underlying them.

The consequences for me were an emergency admission 40 years later, for emergency surgery to remove a large abscess, several teeth, and a section of my jaw.

I've found a dentist who has a part of the picture. They sedate me in the car park - if that is an option for you, then believe me the cost is very worthwhile.

None of this is weird, sadly enough, it's perfectly understandable, the sadness is that no one thought to say something.


Rowan

[Andyman73]

TW

I never had too many issues with dad believing if I was sick or hurt. But mom....not so much.  Broke foot when I was 14, mom made me go to school the next day. Nurse called dad and he took me to ER. A 5 minute walk to school took me 45 minutes. Didn't go to class, went straight to school nurse.  Had several severe concussions as young child. First was from falling off playground equipment. Broke collar bone and had b***d leaking out one ear. Dad took me to dr next day. Other concussion mom caused. No doctor at all that time.  was much more severe than first. was only 6-7 maybe.  Certainly after 2nd one, I was experiencing changes in my brain. Could no longer pay attention beyond 10 seconds...started drifting away, day dreaming without warning, hearing things, feeling things...

I had been experiencing pain and other issues from csa/r as a toddler that only got the barest minimal medical attention..but no actual medical treatment.  I quickly learned to only complain about the aches and pains that were unbearable.  Still experience that. Still not complain or tell.