How do you tell if someone is interested?

[songbirdrosa]

I'm beginning to suspect that one of the guys I'm working with at uni may be interested in me, but I'm really unsure. Because I've spent most of my life being mistreated and abused, I tend to see any acts of kindness or friendliness with romantic undertones. And I know logically that's just not the case. He's very sweet and good to be around, but it's almost impossible for me to gauge if that's just what he's like. I've looked up lists and advice online, but that only confuses me even more.

How does anyone even know these things? I'm too scared to even entertain the idea because I don't want to be hurt all over again. I want to be around him to find out and see, but at the same time I want to hide in a corner and lock my feelings away in a big steel box to protect myself.

[Dee]

I wanted to reply, but I have no advice to offer.  I understand where you are coming from.  I can't tell either.  The only difference is I am not dating so it really doesn't matter for me.  I hope when the time comes (if it does) I'll have a better idea.  I would think if he is interested in time he will reveal himself.

[songbirdrosa]

I wanted to reply, but I have no advice to offer.  I understand where you are coming from.

That's alright, it's nice to have the support regardless.

Dating has always been a particularly sore spot for me. I've never really been good at reading other people, and I'm always stuck in this weird tug-of-war between wanting someone who'll care for me the way no-one else has, and trying to hide and protect myself because basically all my past relationships - both romantic and otherwise - have ended with me being deeply scarred. I want someone who'll help me, but I don't want to burden anyone else with my issues. Situations like this one usually end poorly.

[Dee]

I married someone who I thought was taking care of me.  He drove, paid the bills, bought my clothes....  Turns out that what I initially thought was taking care of me was actually controlling me.  It's hard to know the difference between caring for you and hurting you.

[AphoticAtramentous]

I married someone who I thought was taking care of me.  He drove, paid the bills, bought my clothes....  Turns out that what I initially thought was taking care of me was actually controlling me.  It's hard to know the difference between caring for you and hurting you.

So relatable there, Dee.

Hope you can get some clarity on the situation soon, Songbird. ^^ I wish I had some advice to give but I'm as clueless as you so.

[Rainagain]

Songbird Rosa,
How do you feel about him? If you are interested then just take the time to get to know him better, as you work together you should have opportunity for that.
Eventually you will get a clear idea, I'd guess.
Relationships are the hardest thing to manage due to my history, one bad experience and I tend to run off never to be seen again.
That would be hard for you to do as you work together so go careful and good luck.

[songbirdrosa]

I talked to my counsellor about it today. She said there may be something, but advised me to just focus on being a friend for now. Mostly for myself, since I'm so unsure about all this. Which is probably the best strategy for now.

Songbird Rosa,
How do you feel about him? If you are interested then just take the time to get to know him better, as you work together you should have opportunity for that.
Eventually you will get a clear idea, I'd guess.
Relationships are the hardest thing to manage due to my history, one bad experience and I tend to run off never to be seen again.
That would be hard for you to do as you work together so go careful and good luck.

He's a really cool guy, and I do enjoy his company. I hadn't really seen him in that light until I started to suspect, but I think there could be potential. I wouldn't say I outright like him, but sometimes these things do creep up on you.
Yeah, I think that's going to be the best way to go about it. I tend to run too, for fear that I'll meet someone just like my abusers and it'll all start all over again. I guess I have such a small frame of reference for this, my perception is very skewed.