How do I let go of inappropriate emotions?

[Sceal]

I was doing this week's DBT homework just now, and it's about checking facts surrounding the event that triggered my emotional response and then see if I am acting appropriatedly, or if my emotions are too intense for the event I chose in particular. The events that we choose in our homework are supposed to have happened during the last week, or an ongoing problem. It's not supposed to be directly relating to trauma in the past - if that makes sense? We're not supposed to be triggering each other in a learning situation.

Aaanyway!
So I followed the steps, and I analyzed. And my conclusion is that; no, my shame-response is way too high for this event. And eventhough, the event is over it's having lingering effects - and I've no idea how to stop them. Any thoughts on this matter would be greatly apprechiated! So, let me tell you the situation:

A few weeks ago I asked my T if she is intending to quit, and what happens after I'm done with DBT? - She said that once patients are done with DBT they are essentially done with therapy. And although there will be individual evaluation of each patient, she is intending only to continue with DBT patients in the future. This lead me to conclude that once DBT is over, I will have to change T.  Which is incredible hard for me. I've had this at the back of my mind for the past few weeks, wondering how I am supposed to relate to her now. Can I trust her? Can we start to delve into my actual trauma's? Will I have time? She is a trauma therapist and I respect her greatly - so I do wish to continue with her. I've had a sickening feeling in my stomach because of this, and yet I've felt I cannot make any demands of her to stay with me.

Last monday however I saw my latest perpetrator and I fell apart. I didn't know what to do, I couldn't do anything. In the end I decided to call my T, but she unfortunatedly were away. The secretary said she could call the T, but that made me feel like more of a neusance. And that I was demanding her time when she was busy elsewhere. I was uncomfortable with that. So I said no. And I was stuck again, alone at home with no one to call. So I decided that I was going to do the oposite of what I normally do. I'd act oposite shame, and actually tell the secretary I do need to talk to my T. So I called back up again, and she said something along the lines with "Yes, of course. Sure. Just hang on for a bit". I figured she was going to put me on hold and then call my T on her mobile, and get back to me. So I waited, and I waited. Until I realised minutes later that the connection had been broken. A gazillion thoughts went through me "Was I being a neusance? I don't deserve help. I'm bothering her. I've annoyed her. Maybe it was a mistake? Maybe she'll call back up later when she's less busy" I waited, but nothing. "Maybe they didn't get a hold of her and she'll call tomorrow once she gets the message", I waited. Nothing.
This increased my fear and my shame, and I am insisting I've done something wrong.

Wednesday was group, and when I came to the clinic (I'm always early), my T was talking with the secretaries. She smiled at me, but I was terrified. I didn't know what to do, so I kind of faded away in my mind. I just wasn't really present. When group started, the main group leader noticed. She talked to me in break, and I mentioned that I'm a bit preoccupied in my mind. And I don't know what to do. She said I needed to talk to my T, and I nearly broke down, because I was feeling so overwhelmed and out of place and I told her I've no idea how to do that anymore. We agreed to talk after group and went back into group. I was vulnerable, so I got triggered, and fled. She came after me and we talked for a bit. I don't remember what was being said of either of us, except that I now *had* to talk to my T, the following day. (I've written about this earlier this week)

I asked my T, if she had recieved my message past monday. She said no, she hadn't. She didn't like that she hadn't gotten the message that I had called. And she understood why I needed to talk to her, and that it was really bad that I couldn't have. So although, I in the end managed to talk to her about some of it, I cannot shake the feeling that I'm a neusance. I know that by facts, that I am not a neusance to her. She has never given me that impression at all. This is all from my past, but I can't let go. How do I let go of this, so I can move forward with her?

I am sorry this became waay longer than I intended.

[Hope66]

Hi Sceal,
I think it's good that you know that you're NOT a nuisance, and that your concerns about being one relate to past trauma, rather than anything relating to your therapist - and I think you've been through a lot this week - and I just wanted to say that I'm glad you got through it all - because you handled some really tough things, and some tough concerns - and you were able to talk to your therapist about them - so really well done. 

I don't know of any suggestions on how you can cut that link between the past and present - as it is often like a cord attached - but you don't have to listen to it, and hopefully you can challenge it - and remind yourself of the fact you are NOT a nuisance. 

You really helped me with your reply to my post about my GP - and I found you to be so helpful and you gave me valuable feedback - thank you so much. 

I think you're doing well with your DBT homework - it sounds like some difficult stuff to tackle, but you are tackling it. 

Hope 

[Sceal]

Hi Sceal,
I think it's good that you know that you're NOT a nuisance, and that your concerns about being one relate to past trauma, rather than anything relating to your therapist - and I think you've been through a lot this week - and I just wanted to say that I'm glad you got through it all - because you handled some really tough things, and some tough concerns - and you were able to talk to your therapist about them - so really well done. 

I don't know of any suggestions on how you can cut that link between the past and present - as it is often like a cord attached - but you don't have to listen to it, and hopefully you can challenge it - and remind yourself of the fact you are NOT a nuisance. 

You really helped me with your reply to my post about my GP - and I found you to be so helpful and you gave me valuable feedback - thank you so much. 

I think you're doing well with your DBT homework - it sounds like some difficult stuff to tackle, but you are tackling it. 

Hope 

Thank you Hope! Your words are incredible kind and heartwarming. I'm a little speechless now! Thank you.

I am incredible happy that I was able to offer you some help too!

It's difficult, the DBT, and sometimes I don't do it entirely wholeheartedly. But this week I did.

[Hope66]

Hi Sceal,

You definitely did.     Really good. 

Hope 

[BlancaLap]

I feel like a nuisance sometimes... but when I do, I use grounding techniques to set me free of my EM. Hope it helps you!