triggered by a basic word

[Blueberry]

While reading posts tonight, I was triggered by a word. Not the kind of word you might think, but by "maybe". "Maybe you are" or "Maybe you do" or something like that. It wasn't a response to anything of mine. It took me a while to realise that it's reminding me of M saying "Maybe you should" (do whatever). So now I have an image of her in my head. Another topic for Screen Processing - just what I wanted to do tonight - not. I've just been moving around to music, because that helps process and ground.

It won't be the first time I read "Maybe" on here. Why am I triggered today? Don't know. When I can feel distanced from this Beast called CPTSD, I can even find it faintly fascinating how it is that suddenly I'm triggered where I haven't noticed before. What's the whole situation tonight that's got me triggered? What happened earlier in the day? Is it something to do with the sage of healing I'm at? As in, am I finally halfway ready to feel this as a trigger and also work on it? Is it to do with the post I read before?? But maybe that's just my head getting in the way so I doN't feel.

I've known for a long time that "should" is a problem; now I know better why. So doing some Screen Processing might raise my tolerance for the word "should" and more particularly for the feeling of something being a useful activity that could be good to do... Whereas this feeling tends to make me go on strike internally, is mostly if not always counterproductive.

[Libby12]

Oh, Blueberry.   I was so thankful to read this.  Someone else is triggered by a simple word.  I have only realised this recently,  but I was,  I think, always aware of it at some level.

I distinctly remember,  as a toddler,  having real aversions to words.  My parents thought it was hysterical,  and would say these words to get a reaction from me.  One was the name of a model of car we had when I was less than four years old. For years afterwards this name really unsettled me!

Nowadays,  it is more the sort of words you talk about.  'Should ' is a real trigger for me too. With our type of families, it is no wonder.

It is the word "fair" that is a real trigger for me.  My nm relied heavily on this word in order to justify her behaviour. Nowadays,  when someone says this word,  I automatically distrust them.

Recently,  my in laws said that they had written their grandchildren out of their wills because "it wasn't fair" on the one son and his wife who don't have children.  SIL had complained about lack of fairness despite it being their choice not to have children.   The money is immaterial and probably not much, but I was so triggered,  right into an awful,  long,  EF.  It was,  I realise, reminding me of my SG childhood,  and invalidated the children involved.  To SIL (who seems rather BPD),  they are not individuals,  just extentions of their parents.

It's amazing,  isn't it,  about how a simple word can open up such a flood of feelings and emotions? 

I think that this is a really interesting topic,  and would like to hear more thoughts on it.

All the best to you.

Libby.

[Blueberry]

Thank you Libby for responding! It's good to know I'm not alone with this.

What your parents did sounds crazy, sick. Taunting their own toddler for a reaction. Hello??

All the best to you too.

[DecimalRocket]

Yes, Blue. We can get triggered by the least essential things.

When I see someone insulted, even if it has no relation to me, sometimes it feels like I'm insulted again. I don't know why. It's crazy. But as I stick around here, I understand more about why I'm so easily hurt sometimes. 

Sorry, if I said that word around you. I'll try to remember not to say it with you around and if I don't remember, please inform me.

Take care, Blue. 

[Blueberry]

You didn't DR, and don't worry about not writing "maybe". That's not the point. A should statement isn't good in general and certainly not to me, but "maybe"?? How could anyone know that could be triggering for someone? It's just one more piece in the puzzle towards my healing and therefore a very important realisation. 

[woodsgnome]

Words are well-hidden sources of triggering for me.

Especially religious words, as I was 'entombed' in a strict religious environment for my entire youthful years. Innocent sounding words as well--grace, faith, etc--even love. I can physically wince just hearing someone say those, as it's difficult to wipe out the memory of the people who used that type of language to hide within. Better stop before this becomes a rant.

Words...have to use 'em, and even they can hurt.

[Blueberry]

That makes three of us, woodsgnome.  I have trouble saying the word 'love', especially in therapy when things go really deep. I end up spelling it. That's a trigger for me because there was an absence of it in my childhood. Hearing it isn't an issue.

You're so right. We have to use words, and even they hurt. Writing that sentence makes one thing clear: FOO used words to hurt me, so no wonder various words trigger me! Though not necessarily the words used to hurt me then.

Triggers are so complex. Somebody could undoubtedly write a thesis on them. Won't be me though.

[M.R.]

A few weeks ago my father was taking me to T and said the word trampoline. Such an innocent, out of the blue word triggered me. So I'm with you all on words. Ooh, and sounds. >.<. But that's for a different thread. Just wanted to let you know that I'm beside you in the fight with words blueberry.

MR

[Blueberry]

Thank you so much MR!