How do you deal with hate?

[ah]

From what I've read, the fight response is very threatening to narc-parents and they absolutely must not allow the child to go through the normal, healthy individualization process.

That explains a lot, the domino effect of not being able to go through that process properly explains so many cptsd related habits I've been trying to understand.
I guess it's also what makes individuality from the side of their adult children so unfathomable to such parents, because to them their kids are part of them so how could their arm or their leg (or in my case, I bet my F would say I'm his discarded fingernails or something similarly worthless) preposterously just decide to change or walk away from them one day?

Thanks for the youtube recommendations, I'll absolutely look them up. Science-y and dense is good, it's just what my mind likes.
As for the holidays, I hid underground and did my best to ignore them... I have no loved ones and nothing to celebrate so I try to pretend holidays don't exist. I never succeed at it, but I keep stubbornly trying to make the holidays disappear. I hope yours were good? Even if parts were totally unenjoyable, I hope they were interesting.

[hereforhope]

I'd like to recommend Jerry Wise on YouTube. He covers childhood trauma and narcissistic parents among other things, and his videos has been very helpful to me, maybe you think so too.

Good analogy with the children as parts of a narcissists body. I've read and heard a similar description many times before.

Thanks for the well wishing. I hope you were ok too. I'm sorry you were alone. Your family sounds extremely toxic though so it's understandable. I'm not big into traditions myself and only celebrate out of obligation. And while I live with my mom, I also live with two cats who seem to love me a lot.

I hope you have a good new years eve.