I feel so juvenile

[Phoebes]

I'm feeling very triggered right now. I've been going through a depressive time and struggling lately, so I am guess that is amplifying the problem/feeling.

So there is this group of "friends" who are basically all friends of one friend who has gotten us all "together" and now are a group of "friends." I'm all for that, had no prob. with anyone. However now come to find out ONE of the ladies apparent;y does not like me and hasn't for a while.

Group emails go about about weekly and monthly get togethers, with group responses. It seems with every one, if I respond yes, she responds no. If I respond no, she immediately responds yes. I do things occasionally with this group, but she is never there when I do. Our mutual friend just says "not everyone has to like everyone." True. Can't argue with that.

I just get triggered now when we get these emails. I don't want to be in this group. I like everyone ok, I just don't want this additional dynamic in my life to cause aggravation. How do I get off the email without alienating my original friend? She is one of my only friends. Seriously. And I am starting to semi-resent that she is still a good friend of this other girl, who I feel is being covert mean-girl to me. (I know, I am too old for this. But somehow I feel triggered by this today, and have at times).

I am trying to just logically think-sure,I don't have to be liked by all. Who CARES why she doesn't like me? Who cares if the email invites come? I really genuinely like the others. Is it THAT big of a deal? Why do I feel triggered by her?

[Dee]

This would really upset me.  I have certainly felt like this in the past.

Can you be honest with your friend?  Let her know that while you appreciate her friendship and inclusion, that particular dynamic is upsetting.  Even though you realize it isn't your issue, you still feel bad. 

This would be difficult for me to do.  Yet, I feel it is better than that terrible feeling you must get every time there is an email and the even worse feeling when you can clearly see you are being avoided.  I suspect your friend has, at some point in her life, been in a situation she can relate to.

I'm sorry people are so insensitive and if you are like me it is difficult to let it go.  I always think there is something wrong with me anyway.  I think the other person is being far more juvenile than you.

[Contessa]

I've been through something similar recently.

If you don't mind me asking, is this knowledge of her dislike based on observational patterns of this group email, or has somebody in the group confirmed this?

Also, I second Deb. This is that friend's issue not yours, and you are certainly more on the level with the maturity. In this extremely odd battle, you do have the upper hand.

Based on that there really is no reason for you to withdaw. There are other strategies for dealing with this