Lack of emotions...

[BlancaLap]

I'm not saying I'm some sort of monster without emotions or empathy, it's that I have so much hidden pain that I dissociate and I disconect from the world, mtself and my feelings. It feels like I'm only able to feel anxiety... I don't even feel any form of emotional pain. I used to though I had emotions the same way the rest of the people have, but now I know that what I though was pain (f.e.: when someone insults me or rejects me) it was anxiety, anxiety because I feel in danger and I don't know what to do; actually it is the feeling that I have no idea about what to do that makes me anxious, and not the insults or rejections themselves. It is wierd, because if I don't know what to do, it is because I'm not in contact with my feelings... because that's what makes us know what to do or how we react; when we don't feel, we are insecure, we don't know what to do or how we "should" react or "act": everything, every conversation, every meeting, it feel like *... because we are SO worried about doing "what we should do"... what we should do according to who? That question doesn't have an answer, I know it know. I just hope I can reconect with myself and my feelings... does anyone feel the same way?

[Rainagain]

Ooh yes,
I have had exactly those feelings for years.
I think it is emotional numbing.

My emotions tend to be repressed until I get an anxiety attack, usually because someone has done something that makes me lose trust in them.

I worked in a sometimes dangerous job and people thought me fearless.

Its true, I didn't feel fear despite having an anxiety disorder, very odd. Because the job had rules I was fine following them however bad things got.

Relationships have no rules so they are harder to manage if you are numb.

[BlancaLap]

Exactly, that's why for example I don't feel fear when I'm driving dangerously, but I get very anxious when I'm with another peaceful human being...

[Rainagain]

Wow blancalap,

I just got an insight from your last post

I used to deal with offenders and the worse their behaviour got the calmer I felt. Its because as they get angrier they turn from someone you need to talk to (anxiety making) to someone you need to control physically (no problem at all, no fear).

I never understood why I reacted opposite to my colleagues until now.

I found emdr helped take away some of the numbness but its still with me.

Maybe the reason exercise or nature helps is that it provides an immediate experience that is non threatening so it is safe not to be numb? Like peacefulness allows the snail to look out of its shell.

[Rainagain]

Another thought
Maybe the brain is like a house with rooms and the amygdala is the smoke alarm.

If the alarm is going off its impossible to watch TV, hear the phone, talk to others or get to sleep.

[BlancaLap]

I think this explains very well social anxiety

[LearnToLoveTheRide]

@Biancalap: it all comes down to FEAR!

The smoke alarm analogy is great. One of my wife's Alter personalities was fear based. Every time it was triggered she became completely irrational, even to the point of panic attacks, status asthmatic, and respiratory arrest. I intubated her twice.

When I was a kid the family would go down to the coast for our seasonal holidays. We were fearless: running in and out of the waves; splashing through the rock pools; etc. Everything was fun.

I take my kids for a walk to the beach now and I am terrified something will happen to them. I need 3 pairs of eyes. I stand there hawk-eyed watching out for them. I should be enjoying them having fun but I'm afraid.

Mindfulness, nonjudgmental responses and slow reconditioning... Apparently that's going to help.

LTLTR.

[BlancaLap]

Mindfulness, nonjudgmental responses and slow reconditioning... Apparently that's going to help.

I hope so