All I want for xmas is lucidity

[macandrui]

I am having a triage day, where my SO of 20+ years (mother of my children) has reached a limit of how much of my dissociation (that has been going on since Halloween) she can continue to cope with. Of course she saw it coming and talked to me as it was starting about self-care, and I promised to do  more to try to fend off the triggering that always comes with the holidays, because last year was so bad. I failed to do so, as evidently my own needs were more important to me than theirs. We had a family meeting over Thanksgiving, about how it was still going on. Now it is a week to Xmas. I emailed my sometimes therapist, and I am posting here, because I said that I would. I am supposed to be doing my meditation and Tai Chi everyday, but I don't seem to be able to find the time and space to do it. I can at least say that I posted, which is better than usual.

[M.R.]

I am glad you posted. Its not always easy to do what we "should" do. Taking a step and trying is what counts. (:

MR

[macandrui]

thank you. I think I need more of the courage in your signature. and maybe some 

[Blueberry]

I am supposed to be doing my meditation and Tai Chi everyday, but I don't seem to be able to find the time and space to do it.

This sounds very familiar, except I don't find the motivation or the energy. What helps me somewhat is thinking what I want to do as opposed to what I should be doing. So if I say "I want to listen to and move to music because it helps ground me, helps process and is fun" then I'm more likely to do it. I think 'I should' is based on what someone else wants or society's expectations or ...

  I can at least say that I posted, which is better than usual.

You did!  I find it good to acknowledge the smallest of steps to myself or also to others e.g. on here.

[Three Roses]

  for you, macandrui.

Awareness of what is going on physically in my brain when I'm in an EF has led to me being able to get more of a handle on my reactions - turning them more often into responses.

Have you read "The Body Keeps The Score"?

[macandrui]

I haven't read it yet. I am slowly reading Healing From Trauma by Jasmin Lee Cori. I can usually manage about a page before it is too much for me.

Thank you all for your kind words