Nails in my coffin

[MyPrison1965]

Hardest issue in my life is relationships with others, if I have acquaintances that's no worry, they do not know me and so they do not now how to push my buttons. Now friends and family are a different I get the overwhelming feeling that they are simply trying to manipulate me to get something from me and the longer they are around the more they want. I can trace this feeling back to a time when I had very little in my life and set out to earn my way, working hard minding my own business saving for my future and pursuing my happiness (so called). Back then I was forced to man up to get going and so I did, and after a period of time the roaches (friends and family) came out of the woodwork and put pressure on me to give my time energy and money. I thought it was just a feeling that would pass, but it grew much larger than I could imagine and feel like a target for the wolves ( friends and family). I know it has a lot to do with the hyper-sensitivity that I tune into maybe too much, but I believe that I do not want others around me just because they want something, the gift not the giver. 

[Rainagain]

There's a lot in your post.

Its hard to deal with relationships for so many reasons.

Keeping boundaries up, not getting re traumatised, not getting ripped off, not getting triggered and acting out fight/flight, not getting let down by those who should support.

Its the thing that causes me the most heartache, the most emotional wear and tear, the most uncertainty, the most anger.

Its hard to remain open when hypervigilance means you can spot a negative action from miles away and can't easily forgive or ignore.

You have shown determination to improve your situation in the past, sadly its an ongoing battle to hang on to the achievements you have earned.

And then there is keeping your recovery in sight through it all, making progress for yourself.

I believe it can be done, you can keep on track and overcome all of the above.

Thinking of you.