Odd question

[Elphanigh]

So this is the only place I can think to put this. It is a strange question, but I have always wanted to know. It has taken me about ten years to be brave enough to ask, and about ten months in this forum this think it was okay to do so. It is strange so I wasn't sure, but I think at least one way or the other I will find some info. Even if it is that no one else has this.

I have been doing more loooking recently, I go through phases of it bugging me. Sorry rambling, I am still nervous to ask *sigh* since I was little when the abuse was at its worst, I have had these bumps on my stomach, they got worse as the years went on. Kind of settled out about the time that the worst of my trauma was done. They still develop some but not much. No doctor has ever been able to recognize them. I went to a dermatologist when I was about thirteen for them and he had no idea, even being trained. I also was not able to admit anything about the truth of my life at that point. I still have never gotten the chance.

I have found through much searching that stress and extreme trauma can cause certain things, but have not found enough to feel like it actually gives me an answer. Anyone have this, or read about this at all?

Sorry if this is too odd a query

[Dee]

When I am under stress my skin gets bumps.  I think it is eczema, I never got it evaluated.  I can get it anywhere but mostly on my eyelids, hands, legs, but I have had it on my stomach before as well.  For sure, it is tied into stress.  Cortisone creme seems to help.  I have it on the back of my hand now.

[Kat]

I don't know if this story will help or not.  Shortly after I had gone no contact with my mother, I gave birth to my first child.  When he was about six-months old, my mother attempted suicide.  I chose not visit her.  I thought I was fine with it all, but I developed a severe rash on my hands, but only really on the palms.  I happened to be visiting my psychiatrist at this time and mentioned the itching.  He advised me to take an antihistamine/allergy pill.  It didn't do a thing.  The only thing that worked was time and calendula lotion.  I believe it was a stress response. 

I can see how the bumps on your stomach could have been a response to the trauma.  Our bodies find different ways to call for help or express stress, it seems.

[Elphanigh]

Thank you both for responding, and sharing. I get bits of red spots when I am under stress kind of like a mild version of what you both experience. It helps me feel a little less weird, although mine on my stomach are still very odd. I am finding I am in a stage of being very self conscious of them

[Three Roses]

In his book "In An Unspoken Voice", Peter Levine talks about a lion attack African explorer David Livingston suffered. Although he didn't develop PTSD, every year on the anniversary of the attack he experienced a rash in the area where his injuries were.

Our bodies hold our history, without our even being able to recall the damage.

[Rainagain]

I have scalp psoriasis which shows up when I am stressed, it first appeared a few years ago when I was developing cptsd. So trauma can easily effect the skin, confirmed to me by my then doctor.

But.

Your post Elphanigh made me think of stigmata. These are marks and skin lesions which famously appear due to high religious fervour but I think might appear due to high emotion or stress in the non religious, or ordinarily religious.

I would guess that high anxiety and stress/trauma could cause any amount of physical symptoms, my understanding is that everything but breathing and heartbeat are under voluntary control of the conscious self to some extent, even breathing rate and heart rate.

My psych recently told me about people going blind from trauma, no physical injury at all, just the brain stops processing visual signals.

I know one possible explanation of stigmata is religious hysteria. Not too different from any sort of extreme stress as far as the brain is concerned.

One of the stigmata areas is the abdomen, just a coincidence? Who knows?

[ah]

I get something similar too, I get spots on my arms. Well, they can be all over my body actually now that I think of it. They come and go and get worse when I'm very stressed. After undergoing especially terrible abuse in the past, I got big new spots overnight 

[Elphanigh]

Rainagain, thank you for such a thoughtful response. I went and looked it up, mine look a lot different but the idea that something could cause these spots is very helpful. They are permanent as far as I can tell (have never gone away) but they also are cysts because they aren't painful...

It is good to hear that the body can in fact do certain things like this because of trauma.


Three Roses, that sounds like a good book. I might need to read it, also still need to read Body keeps the score.

Ah, thank you for sharing with me. It does help to know other people experience forms of this

[Blueberry]

Our bodies hold our history, without our even being able to recall the damage.

[Elphanigh]

Thanks Blueberry  They aren't painful or anything, they just bug me. Make me self conscious because they aren't normal.. I would love to be trying to date and have some fun right now, but I find that I am very self conscious over them right now. It is a phase and will probably pass eventually

[ah]

Elphanigh,

You know, I kept thinking about your question, something about it bugged me and I think I know what it was: knowing that we all feel so odd and ashamed by our symptoms. But actually, our symptoms are totally normal in a crazy trauma-filled life. It's the trauma that you've gone through that's odd and unnatural.
Your body and mind, on the other hand, are intricate machines that have come up with such amazing ways to respond to the trauma they had to endure. Bumps included.

Your stress hormones must have been so high that it led to some other things happening in your body. I can only imagine how high it would have to be for it to happen!

I'm wondering, maybe it's something auto-immune? I've read auto immune disorders can be very strongly related to trauma and stress.
I know it is in my case 

[Elphanigh]

Thank you for continuing to think about my question, it means a lot. Framing it the way you do is wise. My body did what it needed to in some sort of way. I have no idea how or what really, but bumps included. I forget that they are just symptom like any of the mental ones I have. Ah, my body went through more trauma than most. Somewhere in the few thousands of rape incidents, or another physical abuse. Then of course all the emotions/mental trauma going on in its midst. If in fact these are trauma related (which is from what I can tell true) they had a lot of fuel to happen.

Maybe it is. I may look to see if any of them have symptoms like this. It is a common occurrence after trauma for people to develop some sort of auto immune disease.

Thank you for so much insight!

[ah]

Hmm...
I don't know if this makes sense, but I also wonder: if the bumps make you feel uncomfortable and uneasy thinking they'd be seen, they could possibly also have appeared as a way to try to not be looked at by others.
Just like people can gain weight, trying to become invisible when they're sexually assaulted..?

(If this makes no sense to you feel totally free to ignore it.)

P.S Me and insight together in the same sentence? Impossible... 
(Slight ICr attack, sorry)

[Elphanigh]

It makes some sense, but doesn't resonate with me particularly. I definitely see where you are coming from here, but being seen wasn't a fear because it was never what I felt caused it.