Inner child looking for parent

[skywolf]

For as long as I can remember I've always looked for a parental figure. Someone who could protect me from harm and love me for who I am. I was wondering if anyone else has ever experienced this same need. I've done some reading about it and I know it's down to being unloved as a child.  I find it hard because even becoming an adult hasnt stopped this automatic behaviour.

[California Dreaming]

I looked for parental figures for decades, and it led to a great deal of trouble for me. Many people have taken advantage of this. I was around 40 years old before I began the process of learning how to parent myself.

[tea-the-artist]

very relatable skywolf. i find myself battling my knowledge of needing to self-(re)parent, but also needing to know how to reach out for help from others. it's a confusing line.

i've found myself confiding in others in hopes of having a sort of shield or a wing covering me, and being guided by them. so now as a still young adult, it's very difficult to determine when to ask for help, and when to do things myself (and for myself). which really sucks coming from a FOO i couldn't and can never really rely on.

but you're def not alone in this.

[woodsgnome]

I have a similar problem in that I've felt the parental void following the ride through * with the supposed parents I chronologically moved forward with (I use that mangled language in lieu of trying to pretend that those years could be called 'growing up'--they were more like 'getting through').

I've had some success, after lots of trying, to build a scenario of finding and saving my inner child, but can't picture myself as a full parent in that scene. I end up as kind of an older pal to the kid but it doesn't feel 'parental' for whatever reason.

What you've mentioned refreshes those instincts to keep the inner child out of the hurt with me, but it's still a matter of imagining a parent or set of parents who would have been a better fit than me, the older version of the kid.

I guess all I can do is visualize the traits of certain adults I admire, even though one never knows the full story. But do we ever? And what is our imagination for if not to use it along lines of helping ourselves to picture that role model to  I relieve the stress we carry from that sort of 'arrested development'.

Or something. I know this doesn't make perfect sense. Does any of this whole scene make sense? We all know those people who can't believe us--so it takes these radical sorts of thinking patterns to hold any hope for changing course. Trouble is, anything like hope has about slipped out of my vocabulary.

[skywolf]

Woodsgnome, what you have said makes perfect sense to me.

Thanks everyone for your replies. I think whilst I'm waiting for an appointment with a therapist I'm going to give parenting my inner children because I definitely feel like there's two of them, a go. Hopefully this might help kick start my road to a better place because right now I feel as though I'm stuck and it's hurting alot.