confessing

[Blueberry]

Today I saw some ground in the garden had been cleared, it's right next to my rose bush but not technically my garden. I assumed it was one particular neighbour and her mother and spoke fairly gruffly to the mother about it. Turned out it wasn't them. It might have been, not out of character for them, but it wasn't.

I apologised but not very well.

I should have gone away and done some deep-breathing or something. I know it sounds a very minor thing but sudden changes in the garden seem to trigger me. To my neighbours I think I just seem kind of erratic and maybe a bit obsessive-compulsive. For a long time I had nightmares about the garden being dug up and / or concreted over, or my plants removed and replaced with other peoples'. I haven't for a long while now. Idk what's up that i'm being re-triggered. Maybe just more FOO stuff. It seems connected to people just coming and doing stuff in my space. Like B1 in my childhood / teenage years.

[Deep Blue]

Blueberry,
Don't be so hard on yourself.  You are entitled to be irritated with people invading your space.  You don't owe them the apology you gave them. 
Let your neighbors think what they want. 

If they really knew you, they would see what a caring and strong person you are.  In the last couple of weeks I have really struggled.  Your words have brought me back to center more than once.  So I guess what I'm saying is... go easy on my friend. 

[Blueberry]

Thanks Deep Blue. Makes me feel kind of teary-eyed.

That wasn't technically my space and it wasn't them that time, but I do feel I'm constantly having to shovel them (and others) out of my space. So yeah maybe I should be a bit easier on myself.

I'm glad my words have helped you.   

[sanmagic7]

i think many of us have places/spaces that we like to think of as our own, feel a bit territorial about, and have certain expectations around.  i know i do, and if someone, even inadvertantly, messes with it, it gets my dander up, too.  it seems irrational to me that i feel like that, but i do, and that's that.  i'll live with it.

i can relate to having that gardening space - when i used to garden, even tho a lot of what i grew was for family, i still took not only great pleasure and pride in what i was doing, but also felt like it was my queendom to rule.  it was so grounding for me, fed my earth mother spirit, and my creativity as well.  i enjoyed so much planting those seeds and caring for them as they went thru all the growing necessary to bear fruit/flowers.

as far as making a mistake, well, we all do that, don't we.  don't be hard on yourself, sweetie.  sounds like it was an honest mistake, and, in the grand scheme of things, won't make much of a wrinkle.  love and a big hug to you.