The Wall

[Elphanigh]

I wanted to share a story that my therapist read to me today. It really hit some bells towards the end of it for me. I am hoping this will help and connect with someone else like it did for her and I. At the end of my session she told me she felt as if she was the story teller who was finally helping take someone else's blocks because she had taken down hers with help. A small moment of remembering she understands what this is like, and recognition that I am letting my own blocks be moved. Anyways sorry this is long, but worth the read.

"I sat inside my wall safeand secure from all the world. My wall kept me secure. My wall allowed no one to come near me, no one to touch me, no one to see the real me. My was was beautiful. I loved my wall. I had spent a lifetime constructing my wall. I had used only the choicest materials for building my wall. A large stone which was the centerpiece of my wall was resent meant. This was a rock that I cherished deeply. Next to this rock was another which I truly loved and this rock was self pity. Next to this rock was one called hatred. Next to it was one called rationalization. Next to it was one called fear. This was a large and heavy stone, one that I placed very carefully into my wall.

One was called anger. This was a large brightly colored rat one that the whole world could see. This was a very important stone in my way, because it warned off many people who tried to approach me as I sat behind my wall. Jealousy was another prominent stone in my wall. A stone that I had nurtured kept with me for years. It was my constant companion. Frustration was also part of my wall. In fact, my entire wall was fraught with frustration. It was the mortar that held the stones in place that protected me. As I said, it had taken years to build this wall and it protected me from the world and cushioned me from all reality, I loved my wall. No one could approach me. No one could get close to me.

Then one day as I was sitting securely behind my wall something very strange happened, I heard someone pass outside the wall, I couldn't see who it was. I heard their foot steps stop beside the wall and a flower was thrown over the top of the wall. A single delicate flower blossom fell at my feet. I picked it up and looked in wonderment. It was so beautiful. And I wondered who had thrown it, I was curious so I called out and asked who had thrown the flower. A voice replied "a friend,I replied "I have no friend", and I was happy again for my wall. There was a stone of doubt in my wall that allowed me to no be deceived by this person. Then I heard a strange noise. It was weeping.

The stranger outside my wall was crying. So I called out and asked why they were crying. "Because I care" they said they would like to breach my wall and come close to me. But I would not aloow this. So as the weeping persisted, I thought perhaps this person would not hurt me. Perhaps I could allow them to come a bit closer and not suffer any ill effects. So I pushed aside one small part of my wall, and one small stone I removed from my wall and left an opening.

To my amazement, the stranger outside my wall put his hand through the hole and stood there, asking nothing, expecting nothing— just an outstretched hand. Haltingly, hesitantly I reached out and took hold of the strangers hand. A very wondrous thing happened. I felt a warmth and a vitality in a strangers hand I had never known before. We stood there, holding hands through the walls ha built around myself. I thought perhaps this is one person I can get close to. So I told the stranger, if you will help me, we will remove a few stones from my wall so that you may pass through. The stranger he would be more willing to help.

So begrudingling I allowed the stranger to remove a few of the small insignificant stones from my wall until they made a large hole enough she could step through. She stepped inside my wall and said " I am here to help you, I am here to be a friend". This stranger was within my wall. I had no defense, so I placed my arms around the strangers shoulder and I wept. For at last I had found that I could allow another human being to come close to me and I would not be hurt.

The stranger said "if you help me we can push down the wall and freee you from it and allow you to see the beautiful world outside. I was very hesitant to allow my new friend to remove the stones, but one by one, together we dragged down the stones. Frustration left. We tore down the stone of resent me, which was harvey and defied movement for a long time. We labored together. Sometimes quickly and sometimes at a very slow pace, because I was still very hesitant. Finally the hole was larger enough I could loo out into the world.

For the first time I was not afraid, and I realized that this wall that I had built to protect myself had not only protected me from the world, but it had shut me off from the beauty of life and the world around me. That everywhere outside of my wall there were strangers and friends willing to help, who was willing to share their love and caring. (All of you btw)

There are still parts of my wall standing. But each time I Sheila myself from the world, I realize that I am cutting myself off from all that the world has to offer, friendship, love, and caring.  Upon thinking of my situation, I tear a little more  of my wall down. I am more able to enjoy the beauties of the world through a help of a friend. A friend who wanted  no more than to help. And I asked my friend, "how can I repay you for what you have given me? " my friend said "I see another wall. Behind that wall is another stranger who would like to be a friend. So now I pick a flower and I cast it over some strangers wall in the hope that I can repay some of what has been given to me. Of love, if caring, of the knowledge that there is goo and that good is there for all. And that all we must do is to open a little hold in out wall when we can view the world and the world can view us. The world can be a beautiful place. "

I really hope this resonates with someone the way it did me today. You have all been those friends outside a wall that I have been working so hard with my therapist to tear down.
Thank you for reading this far

[Deep Blue]

Elpha,
Thank you thank you thank you for sharing this.  I have read it 3 times already.  It's touching and healing to read this.    so much love to you

[Elphanigh]

Deep blue, I am grateful this touched you so much! It makes sharing it worth it. Lots of love to you too