Recent Events Makes Me Think

[Phoebes]

Does anyone else get annoyed with the things people say after celebrities take their own lives? Not that anyone is ill-intentioned, but it kind of reinforces the lack of understanding, and lack of openness, the the complexities and endless reasons this could occur in a person. People openly express their shock. Their "why's," their "but they were just smiling's," ""but I just saw them." Yes?? And???

Why do people say these cliche things? Also, for those who pass around the list of "warning signs." I'm sure some people show at least one of those, but not everyone. People would have to be very very in tune and looking for it to recognize the signs. People would have to understand from a first-hand kind of place to really see.

People express their regret that they wish they would have known. They wish they could have stopped it, or they wish the person would have chosen otherwise. However, when they are alive and hurting, people want to say cliche things like "just be positive." Count your blessings, just be grateful, pray, have faith, you have to keep your vibration high, and an assortment of things that just alienate people worse, because when you're feeling the level of hopelessness that it takes to want to take your life, you really don't benefit from people blaming you for feeling that way, and whitewashing your guilt with a number of ways of saying "just don't feel that way."

People definitely don't want to hear about the real suffering you're going through. If you do ever go out on a limb and share with someone, there seems to be a dark cloud over that relationship. People tend to jump to any explanation or course of action other than compassion and empathy. They just don't understand, and inadvertently blame you.

Then, if god forbid you were to take your own life, you would be deemed selfish once again, and they would innocently claim oh why. Or they said something about how they were feelings but they are always smiling so I didn't think they would actually do it.

I feel like I have felt like I would many times, have felt that level of despair. I have made a decision that I won't, no matter how bad it gets, because i don't want to leave that legacy for my nephews. But, it is hard to carry the burden of that level of despair, be shamed for feeling that way, and already feeling shamed if you were to. It's no wonder we slap on a happy face and no one can fathom when anyone is about to.

[Deep Blue]

Phoebes,
I whole heartedly agree with this post.  People just don't get it.  I too have been there.  I don't have anything else to add today... just sending hugs 

[the mirliton]

Phoebes and Deep Blue,
I am right there with you on feeling frustrated with the comments people say after a someone decides to be the determining factor in regards to how long they want to be alive on their journey. I think for many (most?) people, suicide is never "on the table", for others...well it is. Sometimes, (to me), all of the judgmental comments that happen after a suicide is in the news, make me even more convinced that reaching out when the darkness is enveloping me is not an option.
I am thankful for this forum, where judgmental conversation is non-existent, and compassion and understanding is abundantly available. There have been many times that I have been unable to articulate my feelings of hopelessness, and just reading other posts from caring people who "get it" have helped me to make it to another day.
Sending  to all.

[Blueberry]

Phoebes, thanks for posting this. I have nothing to add either. 

[LittleBoat]

Phoebes, I agree with your observations.  Despair is not talked about, embraced.  Nobody seems to know how to handle it.  I've gotten to the point where I realize I don't know how to tell someone I need help.  I keep smiling.  It seems easier for all concerned.  But to isolate is not the answer.  I think folks who have suicidal ideation feel caught between a rock and a hard place.  Can't ask for someone's company; can't feel safe alone.  It just adds to the despair.