Question about step in Petes book

[Debora]

I'm reating flashback management on page 146. Step 4....speak reassuringly to your inner child. What if I don't know how to be there for my inner child or aren't good enough at it? I have no good parenting to go off of and I feel scared about betraying and abandoning myself cos I don't know HOW to be there for my inner child.

[Blueberry]

Debora, it might help you to read around on the Inner Child board http://cptsd.org/forum/index.php?board=60.0

I didn't know how either when I first started. I got better with practice.

[woodsgnome]

There doesn't seem to be a set guaranteed formula for what we call inner child work.

When I first tried contacting the inner child, it even felt silly, as it felt like all I had working was my imagination. Then the light bulb flashed  and it dawned on me that that's what we have creative minds for, and when desperate sometimes it's literally all we possess; especially in recovery (or as I call it re-framing), where there was no sense to any of the abuse that happened; but if one somehow escapes with even a little imagination, well--go for it and start the re-framing.

I had no good parenting to draw from either, but I still had a picture of what seemed better, probably due to reading and learning what the world out there had that I missed. After some trial and error, I kept working the imagination to fit a scenario where I was able to visit what we'll call the inner child. It felt good, but finally in one scenario I imagined a bolder step and instead of leaving the inner child in misery amidst the original situation, I invited the child to come with me.

Okay, the argument will be that it's all just imagination, but isn't that what much of our adult world is built on? Fiction and imaginative theatrical outlets are full of examples, but sometimes certain themes hit a chord and can be taken to heart. I still have my days of doubting (aided by that other 'inner' character--the inner critic), but I also notice I feel better about life when I can sense there's an inner child who was probably always a hidden part of me.

Imagining this might be considered unrealistic, or a stretch, but I've found it to be a relief, to have 'found' an inner part of me desperately in need of rescue. No logical explanation works, but it feels good to have suspended my disbelief.

So if this still seems 'unreal', in another sense by using the imagination I was able to access the missing part. It's helped to allow me to make some sense of the insane unreality of what went on in my life before.

A fuller (be warned...it's lengthy) explanation of finding my inner child can be found at:

https://cptsd.org/forum/index.php?topic=3435.0