Lying low for a bit

[Rainagain]

I've not been reading through the forum of late, and when I have I find it hard to respond.

Just wanted to say how this forum has helped me over the last year or two.

I haven't recovered suddenly, far from it. I just have nothing to contribute any more, I'm all posted out. I'm not even talking much lately IRL,  weird.

I've either reached a different stage of recovery or am going back to desperate times.

Probably the latter.

This forum is valuable.

[woodsgnome]

There's lots of reasons, not worth always figuring out, for dipping in and out of a forum like this that tends to deal with 'heavy' topics. So it's natural to want to break off for a while, and clear the air a bit.

When and if your mood circles 'round to where you feel you'd like to share some insights and/or just something you wonder about, you'll always be welcome. Your input has been valuable and appreciated.

[Blueberry]

 

Take care, Rainagain.

[Contessa]

Ditto.

This forum is valuable, and so are you. Glad you're doing what feels right. Up or down, left or right, it's what you need.
See you round

[Rainagain]

Thanks guys.

Thought I'd hit rock bottom a year or two ago but found a sub basement to explore......

Lovely to read your messages, lovely

[Blueberry]

  Hello, nice you let us know what's going on. Sorry about the sub-basement though. I bet quite a few mbrs have experienced those. Feel free to lie low or drop by again, whatever is best for you. 

[Rainagain]

Think I realise why I've not been able to  post or read posts recently.

My adult onset cptsd is basically still 'live', the trauma is continuing via a legal case.

So, while my trauma isn't as bad as those who suffered in childhood I have the cptsd symptoms from the adult trauma and new trauma piling up almost daily it seems.

My lawyer spoke to me recently and suggested that the occupational health doctor who assessed me a few years back might provide a statement that mine was the worst occupational stress case she had ever come across.

They described my situation as extraordinary and unusual/extreme back then, before it deteriorated.......

So, this forum is about recovery and my illness is not yet in remission or abeyance or whatever, its just grinding away at my well being.

Anyway, life can be harsh for anyone, I'm not complaining, much!

[Three Roses]

You can complain, rage, yell, accuse, grumble, protest, wail, grieve, find fault, denounce, or whatever you want to call it. You've been damaged, accused, hurt, and abused.

We will hear you, we will understand. But take time away from here if it's taxing your already depleted resources. You are worth the same energy you give to others. 

[Blueberry]

my illness is not yet in remission or abeyance or whatever, its just grinding away at my well being.

Realisations are helpful for me, helpful for moving forwards even. I hope this realisation is some way helpful for you.

Whether you're in full recovery process or still stuck in your traumatic environment/relationship, you're welcome on here! Some mbrs here (including me) are long out of our childhood homes but still not really moved out of the child-parent relationship and keep repeating dependencies. I know that's not quite the same as your ongoing trauma but we are a mixed bunch here in terms of how far along in recovery.

Anyway nice you dropped by for an update 

[Kizzie]

Tks for popping back in Rainagain, it is good to hear how you're doing.   I'm sorry to hear you have current trauma going on but glad you're taking a break and doing what you need to energy wise. Sometimes we just get tapped out and need to step away, recognizing that and heeding it is a good step forward I'd say though.   

I think your example is an important one re why the word"post" in CPTSD is not accurate.  For many of us the trauma is ongoing and happening in the present, especially for members like you for whom onset occurred in adulthood.  I do see more and more professionals using the "Complex Trauma" and maybe it's because of this I don't know.  (I'm also not a fan of the word "disorder" but that's for another discussion.)

Anyway, there was a fellow here some time ago who developed CPTSD/CT as a result of protracted and very stressful legal proceedings. I can't remember his name right now but if you use search you may be able to find him - his posts might be validating