Recent Experiences at Night (Night Terrors, Apparitions?)

[Hope67]

**Potential triggers - mentioning night terrors

I just wanted to share my recent experiences at night.  Just to get them out somewhere and maybe hear anyone's thoughts on them, or if you have anything you want to share yourself regarding your own experiences - as I think it will be helpful to hear different perspectives - and I know you understand.  So thank you in advance for reading, and any replies I will value.  Thank you.

I have a history of nightmares and night terrors, going back to early childhood.  I won't write about the specifics, but the frequency of these has varied over the years.  They got incredibly bad, in terms of being very frequent and quite violent - i.e. I was often catapulting myself out of bed to escape something - during the time I was becoming estranged from my FOO - that was when they were at their worst - although they were also incredibly distressing to me when I was a small child too - to the extent that I couldn't sleep in my own bedroom for several weeks (although I can't remember how old I was, so can't be sure of time-scale really).

Anyway, 2 night's ago, I had the experience of a woman sitting on my bed - dressed in a grey shawl, her eyes averted and her head bowed.  She disconcerted me, in that I felt slightly freaked out, but I wasn't too scared by that experience.

However the night before last, I had been telling my little inners that it was ok to show me things, whilst I was dozing in my sleep, and then in the night, I think they did show me something, because I remember seeing 'something' and then I thought my partner spoke to me in a worried voice, and then I ended up screaming, and remembered screaming and trying to get away, but my partner physically held me down so I couldn't run away. 

Anyway, this experience was related differently by my partner, who told me that I had just started screaming wildly and so loudly, and then he'd had to hold onto me, as I tried to catapult myself out of bed. 

So, then I had woken, and had felt very confused, and my partner ended up experiencing symptoms as if he'd been traumatised by the experience - i.e. his heart was racing and his extremeties felt very cold, and he felt shocked.  This made me feel even worse about the situation, as I worry for him.

This whole scenario really upset me for the whole of much of yesterday, and when I went to bed at the end of the day, I was actually worried about what would be likely to happen, would it happen again etc.

Anyway, I told my inners that it was ok to tell me things, but instead of allowing them to just 'take control' I was active in terms of 'responding' to them - e.g. they gave me the feelings of a pain in the left-hand side of my forehead, near my left-eye, and I responded by saying I was sorry that they had that pain, and I hoped I could help them - thereby responding as a caring protective parent might to their needs.

This time, I found that I managed to see snippets of memory - but it didn't get out of control like it had the previous night. 

I also had a discussion with my partner about the fact that he was concerned for me that I was making things worse, but I was saying to him that I feel the need to work through and process things as much as I can 'now' - because I fear what might happen in the future, if I face a stressor, and then things might not be within my control - whereas now, I feel I'm in a more stable period of my life - i.e. with a caring and loving partner, and able to look at things.

Sorry for the length of this post - I meant to be shorter.

Just writing about it is helpful, and if you're reading, then thank you - and if you do have any comments - I would value them. 

Hope 

[Deep Blue]

Hello Hope,
I had read about this occurance in your journal, but a thought crossed my mind.  Do you think the old woman is one of your own fragmented parts? Maybe she represents something?

*** Trigger Warning ***




I've had a similar experience with nightmares.  I dream that I'm being abused.  I've found myself not in my bed and curled up on the floor when I come to multiple times.  My husband is a sound sleeper.  He's never woken up to a panic attack of mine.  I also never yell out in my night terrors.  Part of my abuse was that if I cried out, we started over.  I think that's why I've never awoken him.

So much love to you Hope,
You are doing the hard work and it's scary. I also see the hard work paying off for you sweetie.    if that's ok

Deep Blue

[Hope67]

Hi Deep Blue,
Thank you for sharing this - and it helps to know that someone relates to the similar experiences -  to you - your husband is a very deep sleeper to not be aware of your situation.

Your thought about the woman representing one of my own fragmented parts - that's a possibility - and I will keep that in mind.  See if she turns up again - you're right, she could represent something.

Last night I felt a pressure on my stomach - as if someone was literally sitting on me - although I don't think there was any pressure to give that impression physically. 

Your reply has been very validating to me, and helpful - thank you.    to you, if that's ok. 

Hope 

[Deep Blue]

 

I also know that elderly people in dreams are supposed to represent caring and wisdom.  Maybe she's sad for what you have been though and is ready to care for you as you age?
to you always

[Eyessoblue]

Hi hope sorry to hear this. Every now and again I get nightmares,  seems to go in stages.
One time I had a week of them when I was in therapy I think it was uncovering a lot in therapy that triggered them, anyway she told me to take a notebook and pen to bed with me and when I woke up I was to write down what I was dreaming and the next day to either burn it or tear it in pieces. I did this every night and have to say this really worked in stopping the nightmares I think  by getting it out on paper got it out of my system and I stopped getting them.
I wondered if this might for you next time you get one?

[Hope67]

Hi DeepBlue,
Thank you - I don't really know how old the lady is in the grey shawl - somehow I assumed she was about 30 and just wearing grey - not sure why I assumed that about her age, as there's no indication of her actual age from her body stance etc.  But maybe she is older, and may represent caring and wisdom.  It would be nice if she was sad for me and ready to care for me as I age.  I appreciate your reply - and thank you so much    to you too.

Hi Eyessoblue,
Thank you so much - I know you've had a very tough time with your own flashbacks - I was just reading what you wrote in the other thread, and I really hope that you are ok.    to you, Eyessoblue.  Also, you've helped me with this suggestion to get a notebook and pen to take to bed.  I've tended to wait till morning to recall dreams and experiences, but it might be good to write about them at the time - interesting about the tearing it in pieces the next day - I will try it for when it happens again. 

Last night was ok, I didn't have any nightmares or apparitions and I felt calmer when I went up to bed. 

I think writing about it here has really helped, and thank you for replying - I've appreciated all the replies very much.  Very validating and means a lot.

Hope 

[Luke57]

Hi Hope,

I may be a little late to join the discussion. I'm relatively new to the site and was catching up reading the past discussions. This one really caught my eye because I have been tormented by recurring nightmares all my life, although they've become much more infrequent since I went through some extensive therapy beginning about 15 years ago. My nightmares would consist of a stereo-typical devil chasing me through buildings and houses where I could find no escape. Often the devil would morph into my grandfather at some point in the dream. I would wake up screaming at the top of my lungs. When I was in my teens and twenties it was very embarrassing, to say the least, when it happened while I was staying friends.


One night during the time I was in T, I woke up and could not go back to sleep. Eventually I began to have an out-of-body experience. I began to float above the bed and then down to the floor beside the bed. Everything around me seemed to start getting larger until I realized it was me that was getting smaller. I was soon the size of a small toddler lying between the bed and the wall. At this time a woman, 25 or 30 years old, began walking towards me looking down at me as I lay on the floor. She was wearing a long skirt and her hair was falling down on either side of her face, casting her face in shadows. I could see none of her facial features. She knelt down beside me staring at me. I felt cold, alone and scared. She looked at me impassively for what seemed like several minutes offering me no comfort. At this time I was jolted back into my full-size body on the bed and the woman was no where in sight.


I have been haunted by this incident ever since and thought I would add this to the discussion. It feels good to get it off my chest. I've never discussed this with anyone, besides my therapist at the time. We could come up with no plausible explanation of who the woman was. Hope, if you are anyone else, has any ideas or similar experiences I would love to hear them. I wish you the best in your search for answers.


Luke 

[Hope67]

Hi Luke,
Thank you so much for your reply here, and I am going to give you my instant thoughts about what you wrote, because it really resonated a lot with me, to hear about your apparition, and so I am just going to say what came into my mind - I thought to myself that it must have been so frightening, and terrifying to experience what you experienced - i.e. the fear and intense terror that made you scream out like that - and which I related to as well - as I literally scream out extremely loudly (my partner tells me this, and I also hear it myself sometimes) - and you did too.  So you must have felt some terror and some intense fear.  So when the apparition you saw, was a woman who shows you no comfort and no safety, and you're a small toddler by the wall, again, that must feel like being abandoned, or something equally frightening, and I feel such a wave of compassion for your little you - and in most circumstances, if a person near someone has care and love for that person, they would want to comfort them.  So in my mind, I felt comfort for you - as that small and frightened child, and wanted to comfort you, in a safe and contained way - even if it's just to be there and say 'I'm sorry you're upset, what's upsetting you?'  'Don't worry - you're safe'  'I'll protect you' - or any words that would bring you an end to that fear and that terror.

I remember when I spoke of some upsetting things in another thread, and someone told me of a big 'Mama Bear' and how she would fight to protect me, it was very comforting to hear that.  I bring that image to mind when I feel scared sometimes, and imagine my big 'Mama Bear' protecting me.  It does help.

Anyway, I'm not sure if any of what I have said will be helpful to you, but I am hoping that you feel better for having written about what you've experienced, and that you feel a bit less alone with it.

I'm glad you don't get those experiences so much as you did before - it's the same for me - they are less infrequent, but maybe one day we'll be able to put them in the past, and our dreams will be so much better.

Thanks again for your reply.  I find that writing about my experiences here, does help, and I hope you will also find the same thing -  to you, Luke, if that's ok. 

Hope 

[Luke57]

Hi Hope,

Thanks for responding to my post. It was very helpful to write about my experience, to read about your experiences and 1000 X more helpful to receive such a kind, caring, compassionate response.

Actually, I believe you hit the nail right on the head. (I've spent the last hour or so contemplating all of this.) The whole out-of-body experience was like a representation of my entire childhood. The terror was having to be the abandoned little child again, with no one to comfort him. He was physically, emotionally and sexually abused throughout childhood, but the worst part was the abandonment - being left all alone to deal with the overwhelming feelings.


Thank you again, Hope, for your response and your compassion. The words you wanted to say to that scared, little child were heard by him and brought tears of relief to my eyes. I believe sharing and listening is the best help for letting things go.


I appreciate the  and send you the same  right back at you, if that's ok. 

Luke

[Hope67]

Hi Luke,
Thank you for the hug, and it's much appreciated. 

I'm so glad that you found my reply helpful - I also appreciated yours - because it made me think again about my own apparitions and nightmares, and talking about them, and hearing from people who have experienced similar things, and who understand - such as you - it is so helpful.  Thank you.

I am so sorry that you had to endure such things in your childhood, and I hope your inner child will be comforted as time goes on, and he realises that you are there - and that he is no longer alone and abandoned.

I also believe that sharing and listening are a great help for letting things go. 

Hope 

[Luke57]

Hi Hope

Thank you for the empathy and encouragement - that's exactly what I was looking for when I came to this site. There is strength in numbers and common shared experiences. 

Thank you for reminding me how much my inner child needs love and support. He's had to deal with a lot of crazy stuff all alone for a long time. Now, when I'm feeling alone, scared and like I'm unable to deal with life, I try to remember to comfort that small child, tell him, " I'm here and everything will be ok. " But, it certainly takes practice. Sometimes I just roll around in my misery. I also like to congratulate my IC on how much he was able to survive. He's strong, competent and good. And that's true of all the other lost children out there who have survived abuse and neglect.


Best wishes to you, Hope.


Luke

[Hope67]

Hi Luke,
Best wishes also to you.   
Hope