Multiverse of fragments post SRA (TW for RA)

[RA-Survivor]

I am at the stage of complex exponential fractal fragmented state, as caused by my abusers, under chronic ritual abuse. I was split into a multiverse of fragments, that only these most wicked and depraved men are capable of. The fragments are too much, it cannot be contained in my single mind that a part of me has left me. I am only a part existing right now on the earth.

The trauma was deep enough that it has split me into seven billion parts and more, when my abusers have daily raped and molested me. No matter how much fragments, it did not mattered to my perpetrators, for via mathematical programming, they can recall any parts to front. I address myself in psychotherapy as "we", "us" and "ourselves" to my therapist. The use of plural form refers to my DID alters, my fragmented selves. I have lost myself and became without a self. I have two ANP, apparently normal part and one EP, emotional part. This EP contains infinite layers of the dissociated traumatic memories. All of them is my same self, experiencing different angles, with complete amnesic barriers as unique identities. I visualize my ANP is one at the top, another at the bottom, the EP is in the middle.