baby steps (I'm trying)

[sunflower38]

August 15 ~~~

Had an EF yesterday night that lasted for 7 hours. It kept me up until 5 in the morning and at that point I was so exhausted I was able to sleep for a couple hours. Today has been a lot of ups and downs. I was able to go outside today to do some exercise and even went to a museum. On my drive home I started dissociating really badly and feeling panicky but then a mantra popped in my head. I kept repeating it in my head over and over, and eventually those feelings went away and I felt pretty present in the moment. I haven't felt this in a long time. It's baffling how something so simple could make my EF symptoms go away. I really hope it stays this way tonight, I really need sleep. Hopefully my therapist will help me tomorrow.

[Tee]

  I hope you are able to rest as well. One moment at a time.  Baby steps.

[sanmagic7]

those EF's are gritches, for sure.  i'm so glad for you that you were able to grab hold of that mantra to help you get back to ground.  well done!   

you are making progress - all those baby steps are helping.  hope your session goes well tomorrow.  love and hugs, my dear.

[Snowdrop]

EFs are horrid. I'm glad you were able to recognise it for what at was, and also that the mantra was so helpful. 

I hope you had a good night's sleep.

[sunflower38]

Thank you everyone for sending me those kind words 

August 18 ~

My therapist appointment on Friday went really well. We came up with an extremely helpful coping plan for anytime I'm having an emotion or EF that I don't understand. I've tried it a few times and so far it's working, if anyone wants to try it here are the steps:

1. How do I feel?
2. Why do I think I feel this way?
3. Validation. It's okay to feel this way. I'm allowed to feel this way.
4. What are some positive affirmations I can tell myself?
5. What could I do to move myself into a comfortable, positive, motivational place?

We also worked on separating myself from the past so I can be in the present. Those things in the past, memories, old coping skills, beliefs, worries, don't do anything for present or future me. I need to learn to leave them behind. I changed some things about my routine now that I did when I was younger, those coping skills helped me feel safe then but now they make me think I'm still unsafe, and so far it's working. I've been sleeping really well! So far this weekend I've felt the most present than over the whole summer. I've made an effort to go outside to events and places that I've wanted to visit since moving. I think making myself stop my isolating tendencies has really helped with my mental stability. School starts in a week, and I'm really excited to meet new people. I hope I'm on a steady path upwards to recovery. I think I fell in enough pits for now. I want to live my life in the present instead of looking to the past hoping to find answers that will never be there.

[Snowdrop]

I'm glad your appointment went so well. Those steps sound great, and hooray for sleep! 

[Jazzy]

Sounds great! All the best with school next week. Take care!

[Tee]

Good luck

[Three Roses]

I want to live my life in the present instead of looking to the past hoping to find answers that will never be there.

Sounds like a healthy goal!