Struggling with obsessive thinking - TW

[Boatsetsailrose]

Hi
I seem to have been in a flashback for wks. It's all to do with feeling really unsafe as I am coming out of my nursing career and looking for more regular and generally much lower paid work. I'm scared, really scared.
In my nursing I've worked 30 hrs and now I'll need to work more to survive. Sometimes I feel working will be good, sometimes I'm so scared I'll end up with a job I find really boring and other times I worry I don't have the capacity to work.
I feel so unsecure, so small so frightened and so crazy in my head. Find it hard to think straight and feel frozen.
I practice meditation, speak to 12 step fellows and have a t .
Pete w flashback management is good but when he says about suicidal thoughts - passive he refers to the 13 steps as help. It doesn't say anything about these thoughts though ?
I'm having a lot of suicidal thoughts and dsh thoughts they flash through my mind obsessively. I don't have an intentions and don't want to do anything but they are so so distressing.
I realised today when I mention them to my t she refers to me calling one of the helplines but we haven't actually gone through any ways to cope with them. I shall mention this to her on Monday.

Can anyone offer me anything to help ease my anxiety please and maybe cope with the thoughts.
I'm doing the suggestions Pete talks of about identifying the fear in the body and breathing into it allowing it it can't harm etc

[Eyessoblue]

Hi, I'm so sorry you're going through this, it's the most scary lonely horrible place to be, if it's any consolation I've been there quite a few times and it's majorly distressing. One thing I did was I got a piece of paper and drew a line down the middle on one side I wrote down all my suicidal thoughts and on the next column I wrote next to it the opposite to how I was feeling, for example, my first thought was I'm a waste of space, so in he next column I wrote I'm not a waste of space I'm a mother a wife and Good friend to lots of people. Once I had filled out both sides of the column I then crossed out all the bad thoughts and looked at the good ones, I then got another piece of paper I copied all those good thoughts down then drew a line down the middle and added to the good thoughts eg I'm a good mum, I love my children, I did this a few times until I had positive lists after lists and read them over and over again until my thought process changed and I believed I had lots of positives about me and wouldn't want to end my life, I still have this list and when I have one of those days I refer back to it, it gives me something to believe in and helps me move the negativity that I'm feeling, it does take a lot of practice and you need to get yourself into a daily routine but it does help me a lot.

[Boatsetsailrose]

Eyes so blue
Thank u v much for your suggestion and explaining that it helped you.
I am going to try it
Yes it seems this time in my life and coming out of a role is playing a rife part in inner critic plus I'm v low self confidence and worth .
I can however see this exercise being helpful and I know I really need to start believing in opposites if I'm going to swim.
My t also gave me a sheet to fill out about my assets. I haven't done it yet I think because I feel I don't deserve to but I will
I do deserve to start believing

Thank you for helping me today

[Kizzie]

I can only imagine how scary things are for you right now Boats.      It can really help to have a knowledgeable, supportive and caring person to listen and help even if you don't have any real intent so maybe reach out to one of these organizations:

Befrienders Worldwide provides emotional support worldwide to prevent suicide - http://www.befrienders.org

The International Association for Suicide Prevention (IASP)  provides information about where to find help around the world - http://www.iasp.info/resources/Crisis_Centres/

Your Life Counts - provides a comprehensive list of crisis hot lines and organizations around the world - http://www.yourlifecounts.org/need-help/crisis-lines

Cutting and Self-Harm: Self-Injury Help, Support and Treatment - http://www.aaets.org/article206.htm

Safe Haven - https://gabrielle.self-injury.net/  This is an online community with an extensive FAQ section about self-injury and a detailed series of pages about recovery from self-injury. There is also a large list of resources for those who self-injure.

[Boatsetsailrose]

Thank you kizzie I've come back to this post today and the links have caught my attention

[Kizzie]