showing up

[radical]

Hi all,
I'm just back from giving my class presentation.  I can't say it went well, I hadn't slept all night and after spending hoursl reading, I knew I was in a mess.

Before, I would have stayed away and sacrificed a large number of marks rather than show myself in a mess.  Today I showed up and said I'd done far too much reading and I was confused so I was going to take a risk and 'wing it'.  so I did and I feel proud of myself.  They may all think I'm crazy now, but it did lead to the longest class discussion of any presentation.  Even if that was just pity, I don't care.  i faced a big fear - I'm terrified of public speaking.  To present in a mess then come home and not tear myself apart, but just think, well it was great I showed up - I think that counts as a victory.

[Wattlebird]

Congrats - I was always so terrified of presentations like this that I would over prepare as well, so I understand, it was very courageous to step up like that when you were feeling so much doubt about the situation- well done

[radical]

Thanks Wattlebird.

Still feeling good about it.

[Boy22]

Fantastic! Seriously, a supportive clap of your shoulder, or acknowledging norms of here 

One of the things that has helped me through my life when facing a challenge again is to think back "I managed to do it last time, I will manage this time." The voice for that saying needs to contain an acknowledgement of fear and allowing for some doubt to remain - a bit more than clinging to the side of a sinking ship though!

I managed to be a key note speaker for a small conference (100-150 people).

But when faced with being the MC for a public event in the town square including a live national radio link up with similar events around the country I dissociated. Fortunately I have a very strong and calm "frontman" as I call him so no-one was aware that I was on autopilot.

[radical]

Wow, pat on the back in return,  boy22.


I realise it took a lot of guts to stand up and very publically grapple with a problem I had with the framework we were using.  I didn't have anything nailed down, yet I didn't play it safe and present as if I had no problem with it.

The lecturer identified where I was coming from, and now I'm enjoying the prep for the big assignment.

Of course it probably would have been better to speak with him about it, but I  have no regrets and still a smile.

[milk]

Trusting what one knows is the best feeling, especially when the response is returned in kind through the presence of others!

The first time this happened for me was on the stage with a blind pickup the size of a pin drop in complete darkness — I did it! On the headset all I heard was ’whoooah’

Now I am in this spot again prepping for a presentation —-  WORD on ‘autopilot’ (boy22)

Radical, Wattlebird, boy 22 — Live it up!!!   

[woodsgnome]

I still freak out (okay, just a little bit nowadays) when I think back to realizing that most of my adult career was spent in public speaking gigs (improv acting roles).

So everything already said in this thread is apropos. Public speaking is nerve-wracking and full of anxious tension--the results are imprecise and definitely imperfect, which runs counter to the natural instinct to always seek perfectionism that so many cptsd survivors seem to exhibit.

But then as ":" nicely put it..."Trusting what one knows is the best feeling..." Like so much of the recovery process, this can be irritating at first, but afterwards there is the sense of taking what you have, even fear and doubt, and making the best of it.

If you do more of these, they may never be easy, which may be a good thing--stage fright is its own motivator. Even surprises can be beneficial--sometimes it's just so neat when these little surprises pop in; even better than planning or maneuvering the outcome in a certain direction. Then speaking is like its own little lesson in learning to incorporate self-compassion into one's personal climb through recovery.

[Three Roses]

Yay, radical! 

[Contessa]

Just saw this, very proud of you Radical.

[Blueberry]

  

[radical]

Thank you everyone. 
it's so nice to come here where everyone 'gets' it

[LilyITV]

This is so awesome to read and it sounds like it was a huge success!  Probably by winging it, you were able to be more responsive to the audience and they were able to get much more out of it.  That is definitely not pity.  If it was the longest discussion ever,  the audience was engaged!

This is a lesson for me to, because I notice that when I'm not rigidly bound by my prepared remarks, things seem to flow better. I'm always afraid that I will run out of things to say and am afraid of what people will think, but this is a feeling I need to work past. 

[LilyITV]

Radical,
  I just wanted to say I had a big presentation this Tuesday and I thought of this thread.  It really helped me through it! 

I usually overprepare for stuff like this.  Sometimes I'm so anxious that I write out what I'm going to say word for word.  This time, I just thought of how well your presentation seemed to be received when it was just impromptu. 

  I was much more relaxed than I usually am during my presentation.  I didn't write out my remarks word for word and just had a detailed outline.  I let the ideas flow and it did seem that I was much more in control. 

  I think in the future, I'll try to be much less reliant and trust that I'll know the right things to say after I have researched them properly.   

[radical]

Really happy for you LilyTV!!!

[Wattlebird]

 
Good to hear lilyitv