Losing time

[Wattlebird]

I often read of people losing time and on occasion I can find myself somewhere or doing something and can't remember how or why I'm there, I have been putting this down to memory problems due to previous drug use but I'm starting to reconsider this maybe I'm dissociating, I do dissociate (like out of body experience where I can observe myself) but maybe this is a different form of dissociation?
Any idea?

[Three Roses]

I think it's becoming recognized as a much more common problem than previously thought. Here's a link to some info I hope you find helpful - http://www.isst-d.org/?contentID=76

[Kizzie]

it does sound like dissociation Wattlebird - are you in therapy and if so have you mentioned this to your T?  A group of us worked through a book about dissociation together some time ago and although the posts are archived you can see them here if you're interested - http://cptsd.org/forum/index.php?board=195.0. 

[Wattlebird]

Hi kizzie
I'm in therapy, I haven't mentioned it to her as I didn't know it was relevant, I read 3 roses link (thank you 3 roses) and feel a little rattled.
I will read your link, thanks

[fullofsoundandfury]

Hey Wattlebird,

For balance to the thoughts or feelings that may be making you feel understandably rattled:

The vast majority of 'neuro-typicals' and the rest of the population is on autopilot, effectively 'missing' around 90% of their days and lives due to lack of presence, attention, or mindfulness. That is, they're not embodied in the moment but caught in mind chatter and engaged in automated activities, not paying attention. They have a common experience of 'why did I walk into this room/how did I get here?" or kind of coming to, waking out of a dream almost, when they have reached their destination in a car with no real memory of driving there. This info is from an academic study conducted in partnership with 'Smiling Mind', an Australian mindfulness company.

The brain is very overloaded in this current age - it has an onslaught of way more information and tasks than it is designed to process. Busy people totally forget entire conversations and agreements. I see it a lot in people at work and university who don't have CPTSD or any particular psychological condition. They're not dissociative, their brains are acting the way any brain would act under the circumstances of general overload. And we have not trained our population to be present and mindful. We're a highly distractable culture.

People with CPTSD have further complexity because the parts of our brains capable of being present and aware are further compromised by the habituated big sweeps of stress hormones that flood us, so we are more likely to 'forget' or apparently lose time. We possibly got in the habit of disconnecting from painful moments when we were young. If life was generally unbearable we would have disengaged to survive.

AND we have the added pressure that bringing our attention to the moment if there are 20 triggers in the one mundane setting, or bringing our attention presence in the body, can make us
vulnerable to EFs. Realistically it is intelligent to avoid what might be stored in the body unless we know how to stay mindful and observant rather than reactive and prone to being overcome with the flashbacks, emotions, mind states etc. That takes a lot of love and care and gentleness and patience and practice for us. If your mind protects you by keeping you a bit dissociated, and you have capacity to carry out tasks regardless, GOOD! Good for now. I commend that adaptability.

So this  "on occasion I can find myself somewhere or doing something and can't remember how or why I'm there" doesn't necessarily read to me as anything other than a perfectly reasonable set of circumstances and it really may not indicate a new clinical problem or marked, concerning dissociation.

It makes me think of expectation VS reality. I hold myself to this standard of how a human's consciousness should be and it may be totally unrealistic. 

[Wattlebird]

Thanks fullofsoundandfury
Your right thanks, I feel a bit more relieved at your words, brings it more into perspective, I am yet to read kizzie link, But I will get onto it.
I think I will just try to be more aware of what is happening and to not keep dismissing memory lapses but to note when it's  happening, hopefully that will clarify things

[Kizzie]

Awareness is a great antidote WB      and   

[Wattlebird]

Thanks for replying and all the links I've read a lot and have ordered that book, it's a journey of self discovery