Letter to f

[Wattlebird]

I've written this Wednesday 27th March but will talk to my psych before sending it as I don't want to behave badly and I'm not 100% sure of my motivations in sending this.
If she is ok with it I will send it.

Hi F
I told B I was going to tell u this and he said that was ok with him.
I just wanted to let u know a couple of things. I know B has told you I am crazy, I have a diagnosis of complex trauma, (which is not psychosis at all) I can give you a letter from my psychologist if you doubt my words, which I will fully understand if you do. I know I became unhinged on the weekend, but the hospital and my psychologist both have said I am severely traumatised not psychotic.
I have complex trauma from spousal abuse and childhood abuse, b's smear campaign has been rather good, telling everybody in town I'm a psycho, I hope you are familiar with narcissistic abuse and gaslighting if not look it up, just be aware, the kids believe he is a narc, B2 thinks he is a sociopath, I asked B to look it up and get treatment but he always refused to acknowledge any fault and gets angry that I would even suggest he is in any way at fault for anything. I advised him not to try and control you if he wants to make it work, I hope he can stick to that, I told him I wanted you to know all this and he said he was going to tell you, but I'm not sure if he will.
I can give you evidence, my children will tell you the same if you don't trust me.
Ask him about the time he hung our dogs, or made B2 shoot a lamb when he was 5 against his will. I don't want to list every event but he grew up drowning neighbours cats and thought it was funny. There's many many examples of his lack of empathy. Show him this and ask him if I've lied about anything in this letter. Maybe he will lie, but he is usually honest because he thinks he has done nothing to be ashamed of.
I really do love children and wouldn't want your kids to end up in therapy like mine.
I hope he can pull things together, I don't expect you to leave him or anything, I don't want him back at all, but watch his behaviour and stick to your boundaries.
I really loved him enormously but had to leave for my own mental health. It cut so bad to see how little he actually cared about me or my feelings.
He says I left him years ago but he bought his father to live with us in the lounge room of a 2 room house (lounge and bedroom (without ever asking me if that was ok) and trying to live in a doorless house with his father was impossible, I got no sleep or privacy and so started sleeping in the granny flat, I wasn't intending to leave, and told him this at the time, but needed some personal space, I think he just uses it as an excuse to make himself feel better.
I won't contact you again.
Wattlebird
Ps I'm sorry about my behaviour over the weekend and hope it didn't affect you in any way. I am very ashamed of myself.

[Blueberry]

This might not be quite the place to write it, but lots of  and compassion for what you went through on the weekend, Wattlebird.

[Wattlebird]

Thanks blueberry I appreciate the hugs and compassion