Who else feels robbed? *possible triggers*

[Phoebes]

Yes, I can so relate. I have been a bit focused on this thought lately as well. Generally the message is "it's never to late to start a new life!" Well, it is too late to start the life I WANTED and had the potential to create! Sure, I can change directions and make things better, include some hobbies I enjoy, etc. Be satisfied for being as fortunate as I am.

But I do get resentful and SAD that the very things I had potential of excelling at have always been sabotaged, from an early age through early adulthood. I was berated and belittled for my interests. I was told to get my head out of my * (As a young child) for being interested in music and art. I was not allowed to do things that were perceived as what "a boy would do" by my mother, so that eliminated the rest of my interests (my sport, skateboarding). If it cost any money or time spent taking me somewhere, it was an automatic no. If she could tie danger into it, she would use that as a reason as well. She just didn't want me to excel.

Now I'm almost 52. What am I going to do? Start a career in music? No, but I learn and play for a hobby. And the younger people, and teachers, are all amazing, and have wonderful supportive parents, I notice. It's kind of a trigger for me, when I see how free and confident they are, and see them interacting with their parents, who are so kind, supportive and respectful of their grown kids (even the 18 year olds get respect).

I worked in the teaching realm for most of my adult life. However, I really struggled with relationships- coworkers, students, bosses. Especially in 20's and 30's. Now I work from home online, hidden away with reduced interpersonal stress. I see now why it was like this.

I could go hop on a skateboard or try out for a team, if I want to break an ankle! But, I settle for appreciating being active and able to do physical activity in some capacity. I had the potential to play at the highest level. At least try out. But I was disallowed. Back then in your 20's you were considered too old. I was often told I was too old for this that and the other by my mom. Too old to go to college at age 24. And I felt shame and ridiculous for wanting to go at such an old age. I was really brainwashed.

So, I do feel for you and understand. I'm really mad at myself for not "rebelling" and just doing my thing once I left home, but in hindsight, I was extremely brainwashed and extremely trauma bonded. Her plan worked I guess.

[Sadie48]

Oranrose - The word "robbed" came to mind for me too recently, after a negative interaction with my abusive mother and oldest sister. I have often felt like I was robbed of "normal" -- just plain normal parent who didn't undermine me, make comments about my body, make bigoted comments, or unleash rage at the drop of a hat.  We were robbed of something really essential and I think it's important to acknowledge that and experience that disappointment/grief.  I used to think at some point, we have to stop blaming our parents. But I also think we have to fully explore or name what has happened before we can get to that point of either acceptance or forgiveness.

Maybe since you used the metaphor of being robbed, having something taken from you, you can make a point of giving yourself something special.  For no reason at all.  A massage (if that doesn't trigger), a trip, special dinner out, whatever makes you feel good.

[Phoebes]

very well said, sadie

[alliematt]

I also feel robbed.  I could have stood up for myself when being bullied, I could have chosen to walk out of the church I was part of, I could have chosen who to live with and where to live . . . and because I let people walk on me and bully me, I was robbed of a lot of things that I could have experienced that I'll never have the chance to do again. 

[memorex]

I literally *ACHE* over the life I have had due to what was done to me/what might have been.

I especially identify with the bit about noticing the good parents pattern with kids in creative areas. Im middle age also and am struggling to find my way because I am only just finding out who I am, what I can do, and trying to cope in this big scary world of ours *without* having had any kind of role models, training or help to guide me.

[MGrizz]

Absolutely I feel robbed.  I'm at a time in my life where I'm going to retire soon and I have no idea who I am - me, personally.  the only thing I was taught by my family was how to survive and just barely at that.

I was too busy trying to survive as a child, then as a teenager on my own, to figure out what I liked or what I wanted to do.  I finally escaped when I was 17 and I found very quickly that I could act like others at work and get positive recognition for what I did.  I never fit in anywhere as a child and I barely do as an adult but I identify with my job (I also became a workaholic).  But this phase of my life is coming to an end in a few years.  Now I need to figure out who I am.  What do I like?  What is my passion?  Instead of being like others that I admire, I want to be myself but it's pretty scary and I wish I knew who I was a lot sooner than now - the clock is ticking you know?  I keep wondering if the person that I've become is really me?  A strange question but I've been thinking about it for a while.

And I often wonder what it would be like if the abuse hadn't happened, if I had grown up in a loving family.  I would probably know how to handle the acceptance of love in a normal relationship.  Would I have had any dreams or goals and would I have gone after them?

I was with my 3 year old grand-daughter last weekend and it hit me that I was the same age that she is now when the abuse started.  It hurts my heart thinking that anybody could even think of sexually abusing a baby like that.  She will have the childhood that I never had that's for sure and she will never know what my childhood was like.  We have so much fun together and through her eyes & laughter, I can experience a little bit of what I should have had in mine.

So yes I was robbed even if I didn't know I was being robbed at the time.  Not only robbed by the abusers but by the family who knew and did nothing to protect me (their youngest of 6 children) because the main abuser was contributing to the family finances - and it kept happening for over 13 years just because of $.   No wonder I have no self-worth (that's another thing that was robbed from me)

Sorry for rambling,  but thank you for posting and allowing my feedback.  I guess I needed to get that off my chest.

[LilyITV]

I also feel profound sadness over the life I should have had.  There was so much happiness I could have experienced.  I think of what I could have achieved and accomplished.  Instead, I was set up for a life of sadness and pain. 

I try very hard to focus on my life ahead and not dwell on the past.  I am 44 and although the first half of my life has been marked with sadness and fear, the second half can be amazing.  I also count myself as "lucky" that I was able to get help and I can still have many decades of happiness.  I remember there are many people who never get help and never experience true  happiness and joy.  I still have time to achieve my deepest hopes and dreams--even if not as much time as I would like. 

I loved the idea that I read about on this site that people who recover from C-PTSD have a "profound" awakening and deeper appreciation of life than people who have never experienced trauma.  Now I'd rather I never experienced the trauma, but since I can't change that, I will be thankful for the spiritual enlightenment that can come from having overcome it.