Hi

[Sunbeams]

Hi,
I've been really wanting to connect with other people who have the same problems as me, so I don't feel so different.  I've searched everywhere, BPD forums, AVPD forums, Social anxiety forums, youtube videos, etc.  I don't fully identify with any of the people and their perceptions, there's always something that doesn't match up with me or fully encompass my experience.  I want (/need) to find people who will "get" certain things I say without me having to explain myself too much.  I put a post on an AVPD forum recently and didn't get that recognition from others that they understood or could immediately relate, they just didn't respond or said they needed more information.  My husband suggested I should try posting it here to see if it was just the post being worded in a confusing way, or if you guys would relate to me more than the AVPD forum, without me having to elaborate.  So here it is...

Have you ever looked around a crowd or a store and wondered where are the "low functioning" people you hear sharing their struggles online, and why does everyone you see in real life seem fine and casual if someone talks to them and no one is in fight/flight/freeze? Many of the people who talk about their anxious/paranoid behavior online say they have jobs or graduated college, so they're obviously not all hiding at home. How come I can't identify them? Any stranger can easily recognize me as trauma-response-based and paralyzed. Where are the other people like me why don't I see them?? Does anyone know what I'm talking about

Thank you for reading

[Boy22]

Hi and welcome Sunbeams,

I was high functioning until it all fell apart at age 48. Currently for me a trip to do any shopping is stressful, so I'm not wasting any time looking around to see who else is struggling, I just put on my bravest face and smile.

[Three Roses]

Hello and welcome! I steel myself and brace for interaction with people, which is why I think no one would see my discomfort during a short social encounter. With all the pressure to "just get over it" I have definitely learned to fake it and not share how I really feel. I see this as a survival technique, it keeps me from revealing too much of myself and limits unwelcome "helpful" comments. Conversations are brief, cordial. When I get home I can breathe again. I am formally diagnosed with major depressive disorder and ptsd but I feel that cptsd is the umbrella that covers all of my symptoms.

[Deep Blue]

Welcome 

[Boatsetsailrose]

*** possible TW
I can relate sunbeam ! I know for me its common to compare my insides to others outsides but all is not always what it seems . I've been 'functioning in work until lately. People always always describe me as calm, peaceful in nature, this couldn't be further from the truth. I can be smiling and be having suicidal thoughts that's my reality.
I relate to what you are describing everyone is functioning about me (or so it seems) and i am the frozen one. There are many of us about i guess we are just so sprinkled over the world that the more functioning people stand out in a bigger crowd.
I think having cptsd does by its very nature feel isolating and the shame can aid me to feeling like i was dropped off on the wrong planet. That im inherently wrong, abnormal and dont function. However this isn't true for any of us and we are walking miracles of survival. The healing journey of recovery helps us bit by bit to start colouring ourselves in and feel integrated into humanity. I'm not a job or what i have ..i am the spirited human behind all of this stuff trauma and all.. Just as well all are .
This forum is so supportive and i am glad u are here and that u will find the resources, peoples experience and support valuable for you. best wishes

[Sunbeams]

Thank you so much for your responses.  I didn't get one from someone who displays their fear outwardly the way that I do, but the comments really helped.  Thanks for your encouragement and for sharing about yourselves.  I know it's hard whether you show it or not because I've been there too.  In recent years I've been unable to hide it, but I don't believe it wont get better again.

[Sunbeams]

Also just wanted to say to BoatSetSailRose, wanted to thank you more in my other post but felt like I didn't want to let my guard down.  The thing is when I read your reply I really needed some of those kind things to be said to me cause I've been too out of touch and shut down.  So when I read what you said about feeling "inherently wrong, abnormal" and not being "my job or what I have", but "that spirited human behind all this trauma"  I started crying and I'm not even sure why exactly.  But thank you for being so nice to a complete stranger it does make a difference.