Cutting them out

[Cyd]

So today I told my parents(I want to call them something else, saying that makes me so uncomfortable) that I need to not have any contact with them at the moment.

I didn't quite want to do it now, but M as usual forced my hand.

They were due to stay in a few weeks. Not to visit, just as we're a convenient stop on their way to somewhere else(2nd time they've done this, and they never visit to just visit).

I've been so angry with them since realising I have cptsd. My emotions are all over the place. So my wife was not sure it was a good idea they stayed (me either). I told them this today and the conversation got forced round to what's going on.

And now I don't have to have any contact with them for at least a few months. Honestly right now I want to cut them out of my life completely.

I feel a sense of relief, combined with gut wrenching fear and shame from the child inside who is still scared and obtusely loyal.

[woodsgnome]

It's a rough ride no matter how the individual twists and turns go. I'm way out of your loop, but feel the pain in every word you've uttered in this post.

What I want to do the most is to assure you of support for your decision. Within this format, this is the best I can do:         It isn't sufficient, and how could it be dealing with this sort of mental fragility?

I just wanted to offer it to you with best wishes as you seek the peace you deserve about all this.

[DecimalRocket]

It sounded crazy to me to believe that my parents weren't there for me as a child, and it still does at times. But we'll be here to support you, and allow you to trust yourself.

if that's okay.

[sanmagic7]

well done - sounds like self-care to me, which one never needs to feel ashamed or guilty about.  doing what's best for you is a big step on the road to healing. 

it is painful, of course it is.  the worst i've ever felt is when i went nc with my daughter.  wrenched my already shredded heart.  as time has passed, tho, i know it was the right thing to do because i feel better on the whole without her in my life. 

'cutting them out' about sums it up.  like the surgeon's knife cutting out a tumor.  painful, but we can't heal with the tumor continuing to grow and hurt us.  big hug to you, cyd.

[Checkach]

I understand, Cyd. I am newly diagnosed with cptsd and have gone LC with my parents. I don't want to see them for the holidays, but I'm sure my grown kids will spend time with them.  It's confusing but also a relief. And who knows what will happen in the future.