Unrelenting, constant rage

[mourningme]

Im so enraged all the time.  White hot blinding rage.  Every day, every night, every minute. Now at 530 am after being awake since 3am yet again because of all this.
I cannot stop even for a minute being enraged. I cant get past this suffocating anger.  It is the symptom that leads the pack with all the other ones and there are no words for the despair this is causing me. I just am constantly battling CONSTANTLY to just get through the day all because of this hand I was dealt in life. I cant escape this reality of each day being flooded with all these symptoms only to become enraged about the circumstances surrounding my past causing this cptsd. Events that I was not protected from as a child that now literally affect me in every single waking/sleeping moment.  Rage is  all there is in me and it consumes me.
Is there anyone else out there fighting against the ugliest part of yourself who thirsts for... revenge ? Blame? What does this rage want? I will never get "revenge" I will never get justice, and I know precisley who is to blame both directly ( my perpetraters) and indirectly- my parents for failing to protect me. 

[Three Roses]

I'm so sorry you're going thru this, Mourning, I have no great ideas for you to help you cope because I'm just the opposite, I can't get in touch with the anger I know I am carrying.

I'm wondering tho if you're experiencing a long lasting emotional flashback, in which case a look at Pete Walker's tips may help you; http://pete-walker.com/13StepsManageFlashbacks.htm

Let be know if that's helpful to you, I'm interested to know bcuz I think this subject of anger is really what I need to be focusing on.

[LilyITV]

   It's so unfair that you have been through so much as a child, only to have to deal with the effects for the rest of your life.  It makes complete sense that you are angry.  You should be angry because it's not fair.  The rage may be with you forever, but hopefully with healing you can get to the place where you can manage it and have a happier life.  I know my therapist always cautions against "forever thinking" and "black and white" thinking when I do it, so I also wanted to point out that I see a lot of this in your post as well.  You may be consumed with rage now, but if you continue to work and heal, little by little, day by day, you may get to a place where you feel you have control of your life again. 

I have read part of Pete Walker's book and I remember reading the idea that anger is repressed sadness and sadness is repressed anger.  People who are angry need to be able to connect with their feelings of grief and people who are sad need to reconnect with anger in order to heal.  In the youtube videos I've been watching, I've heard over and over is being able to feel the feelings, preferably in a safe environment with the assistance of a therapist, is a huge part of healing. 

I also am someone who has problems connecting with my angry feelings and can be consumed with sadness.  It is difficult when you've been so disconnected for so long.