My neighbor has bullied me for years setting off my flashbacks..

[Rudi]

For the last 9 years, my next door neighbor (male, large, about my age, semi-retired) has been bullying me. I am not a cowering flower but this guy strikes a cord in me that sets off flashbacks for me. The first time he ran up on me yelling and getting in my space I was triggered. I have since adjusted my actions and life around trying to avoid him, not always successfully. I have gone to therapy, set up security cameras, put up a fence, called police, filed for a protection order (denied, no threats of violence)), seen an attorney (no help despite having video of harassment - "he's a neighbor, not a stranger") did manage a court mediation which states he cannot speak to me but he keeps breaking it and nobody will enforce it!.

The other day this guy was on a ladder out front trimming a tree when I saw him fall. I ran out to see if he was okay. It was scary because I knew he had been using a chainsaw and there was nobody else out there with him. After he was able to get back up, he told me he was okay and thanked me for checking on him. Then in a very quiet voice offered a meek apology. I immediately turned around and went back inside. I was furious! I am angry now..1. because he knows I have cameras with sound and he knew he could not be heard apologizing to me 2. nobody else could hear him apologize and 3. because he chose a cheap easy way to spit out an apology to me simply because he was shamed into it!   

Does anyone else understand my reaction??

[Three Roses]

Yes, I think I understand - is it this - you've felt invalidated, disbelieved, minimized... and at the moment of vindication when you do finally get an apology which is a form of confession, there was no one there to witness it. Am I close?

[Rudi]

Yes! Thank you