Sleep pattern changes

[Rainagain]

I've noticed slow changes in my sleep patterns over time.

When particularly stressed I wake up at 4 more often and cannot get back to sleep.

This eases if I don't get peaks of anxiety, very slowly though so I've only just realised.

Getting to sleep seems to remain difficult, unless I am physically exhausted.

What brought this home is a recent trauma relapse, more troubles I cannot deal with leading to extra anxiety.

Might be worth considering that sleep is altered by current things as well as the past, I hadn't seen it that way before. Might mean its repairable over time.

[Kizzie]

Sorry to hear this Rain, a good sleep is so important.  There's an article here that I found has some useful suggestions (even if you're not suffering from insomnia per se) - https://www.theguardian.com/news/2018/sep/14/finally-a-cure-for-insomnia.

[Rainagain]

Well,
I've had another change in sleep pattern. As its 3:00 am thought I might as well record it here....

Had notice 3 weeks ago I have to see a psych in another 2 weeks. That immediately wrecked my already poor sleep pattern.

Can't get to sleep, can't stay asleep, can't even get to sleep during the day when I usually feel a bit safer, nightmares, its all kicking off at the moment.

Also seem to be more strongly isolating myself, don't feel lonely as per usual, wish I lived even more remotely than the isolated spot I live in.

I had forgotten how bad my mind can get, it doesn't take much to bring everything back intensely.

Part of me just shrugs and accepts it, part of me is eye rolling and unimpressed with my amygdala.

A sort of good thing is I understand what is happening and the reason. A bad thing is the extreme reaction my subconscious is having to a potential threatening situation.

On a related issue I notice that if I have an ordinary uneventful 'normal' interaction with someone (however minor or trivial) I feel surprised, impressed and somehow lucky, I am expecting horror to occur and the lack of that feels like great good fortune.

My mind and the real world aren't connecting accurately, other people expect the every day behaviours of ordinary people, I sort of marvel at them.

It feels like I'm in the audience at the cinema but I'm somehow seeing a different film to everyone else sitting around me. I know its a different film I'm seeing only because the others are reacting similarly to each other but I am not reacting like the rest.

I'm wondering how long it will take to calm down after the psych visit. Hope his report doesn't take months. Really hope the contents aren't too damaging.

[Libby183]

Hi, Rainagain.

I am sorry to hear that you are struggling with sleep. Goodness, do I know that feeling.

I have never slept at all well, right back as far as I can remember. Knowing what I know now, I can see it was because I was hyperalert and terrified of my mother, especially as she took my insomnia as a threat to her, and punished me for it.  Guess it all stems from lack of attachment.

Sleep was improving a bit until the divorce bombshell. I go to bed at ten, read, go to sleep, and am wide awake between midnight and two. Awake for hours, might possibly drop off again briefly, but that's when I have the awful dreams.

When awake in the night, I just keep startling. I have a thought, then my mind and body jump and I have to go through the breathing routine over and again.

Everything you say about isolation and not belonging ring so true to me. I find it hard to see a path through this.

Always keen to hear how you are getting on. Hope the dogs are well. Mine was poorly earlier in the week. She suffers from stress. But is better now.

Take care.

Libby.

[Rainagain]

Thanks for the reply Libby.

Sorry you are sleepless too, it makes things harder.

A second dog might help your current dog as well as yourself.

I have a medium size rescue dog which was traumatised and it relies on my Rottweiler a lot, as do I.