Struggling to reach out

[elizaD.]

Hello. I do not trust anyone so taking this step is making my stomach hurt. However, I am still going to try because I don't know what else to do anymore. I have chosen to isolate myself my whole life but it's doing me more harm than good now. That's all I feel comfortable sharing right now but I am going to try to post something every day. Thank you for being here.

[Three Roses]

Hello, elizaD, thanks for joining! I was pleasantly surprised when I joined here, how open and supportive everyone is with each other. I don't feel like I've ever had a sense of belonging like I do in this community.

But, it's still difficult sometimes to post. And I've got to say I still really have a hard time talking about the things I've been through. Maybe someday.... 

I hope you feel a sense of welcome and support here, as so many of us have.

[woodsgnome]

I had the same hesitation when joining here, and I'm still fearful I'll never match up to others, won't be able to articulate in a way that makes sense, and a host of other socially awkward fears.

Plunging in despite those fears, it's always been rough but as Three Roses points out, eventually it dawned on me that in most cases this is a place of peers who get it, including our collective sense of feeling isolated and terribly alone.

It still feels uncomfortable sometimes, but the difference is knowing the 'not alone' part resonates with so many who visit and share on this website/forum.

So welcome, and I hope you feel free to post whatever you feel might need addressing as you begin to look for ways out of this dark place we never asked for. Here at least is one place where the hope of being understood turns out to be a real possibility.

[Libby183]

Welcome, elizaD.

Many of us here, myself included, understand the terrible feeling of isolation that comes from not being able to trust anyone. This site is one of the few places where I feel understood and feel I can make mistakes.

Join in, as much or as little as you can, and I am sure you will find some trustworthy connection.

Libby.

[Wattlebird]

Hi elizaD
I struggled a lot, when I first joined and posted, I was suspicious of how nice people were, but it helped that it's anonymous so I took the leap. I hope you feel as accepted as I do, there's no need to post anything your not comfortable with, and when I read about others struggling with the same issues I was so relieved to find I was not alone.
Welcome

[Kizzie]

HI Eliza and a warm welcome to OOTS 

Take as much time as you need to post, there's no rush or pressure.  IMO that protective part of us is what kept us safer than we would have been if we hadn't distanced ourselves from those who inflicted our trauma. It made sense to do that, a 'normal reaction to an abnormal and damaging situation' so to speak.

I actually have a lot of gratitude to that part of me, but like you there came a point where I needed to connect with others more. I needed to learn to dial down that protective part.  We're unlearning old behaviours and learning new ones and that just takes time.

I hope being here is helpful for you