Memories triggering

[sigiriuk]

Estranged from my adopted parents for 4 years.
Now back in the house where I was physically abused and emotionally abused. The house opposite is where I was sexually abused from as early as I can remember.
They are ill and frail.

[Rainagain]

This about as difficult as I can imagine.

I hope you are doing ok, dreadful situation for you.

[Three Roses]

I am sorry to hear you are back in difficult surroundings, Slim. I hope this can be a time of recovery, healing and insight for you. Please keep us updated on your circumstances. You're valued here! 

[Kizzie]

How are you doing Slim?  Here to listen and provide support and care 

[sigiriuk]

Thanks for the support.
I feel a bit shellshocked tbh. Just meeting them, I realised how far I had moved on..able to tolerate their horribleness, and realising that they still live in an "abusive World".
They aren't coping well, but there is a sister who is close by (my aunt by adoption) who is going to take the helm.

That house opposite, was watching me, and still gives me chills.
I had a brutal childhood, if you can even call it a childhood.
But all of us here, are proof that we can survive, thrive and support each other.
You guys were the first people I reached out to.
Thank you, you wonderful people <3

[Three Roses]

You're welcome, you beautiful person. 

[sigiriuk]

It took a couple of days, but now, I am starting to feel it.
Keep telling myself that that I don't deserve anything.
The visit has triggered all sorts of thoughts....started attacking myself, and being cruel to myself. Not physically but mentally.

It helps to talk about it, and share.

Slim

[woodsgnome]

What you're experiencing borders on a worst-case scenario, to become physically present to the locale of nightmares; except they were real , and now you are exposed to triggers all around.

Please -- be as kind to yourself as possible, and if it helps to share about it here, by all means do so. You deserve sincere support for this situation... 

[Three Roses]

Standing with you, Slim. 

[Kizzie]

Slim, those voices are dead wrong.  You deserve to heal and recover from a nightmare that was not in any way of your making.  It's time, you've suffered enough. 

I hope your Inner Critic hears this message from me - Kizzie here telling you to "GO AWAY!"  Slim does not deserve the cruelty you are inflicting on him. 

        

[sigiriuk]

Thanks for your replies.
I am struggling to make sense of Friday, and telling the Inner Critic to go away.
It made me think about how I still can't feel about being brought up in an uncaring environment. I kidded myself that they were nice underneath and they deep down really liked me.
I dont know what emotions I have, and am pretty much in denial.
Slim

[Blueberry]

Standing with you Slim.

[Kizzie]

It made me think about how I still can't feel about being brought up in an uncaring environment. I kidded myself that they were nice underneath and they deep down really liked me. I dont know what emotions I have, and am pretty much in denial.

It's a kind of strange way of thinking about our Inner Critic but in a perverse way I think it is trying to give us hope (If you would just not be so ...... If you just try harder ..... your parents would come around and then you would be loved ....). 

Giving up that last vestige of hope is painful I know. In my case acknowledging the loss gave way to an unexpected sense of hope and freedom about being able to live my life on my terms. I hope the same is true for you. 

[sigiriuk]

Funny you mention this, I was discussing this with my therapist just now.