Favorite Person

[Phoebes]

I just recently discovered the concept of Favorite Person, which in the research is a behavior of BPD's. There's quite a few videos on this topic that I only just discovered. I've also heard that sometimes someone with CPTSD is misdiagnosed with BPD.

Putting this together, a lightbulb went off. that I DO have a "favorite person." It seems I do struggle with this person overly affecting me. I'm constantly wondering if I should talk to them about my situation, and hoping they could understand, but thinking they won't.  But then struggle to talk to them AT ALL when I'm actually around them. They have been a kind friend to me in the past, and I have shut down. I was horrified by why I had a hard time accepting and reciprocating such kind behavior, but apparently that's "a thing" too. Which makes me feel even worse!

Then I feel like running far away! But that would require giving up a hobby and group I've been in for a long time. That would be especially dysfunctional, but it is a feeling I get quite a lot.

I believe I have C-PTSD for sure, some BPD and NPD traits (which I always thought were fleas when they arose). I guess all the labels don't matter as much as HOW to heal. How DO I approach this person now? Have I screwed up our friendship forever? Would being open and honest HELP or make it worse?

There's all this Brene Brown talk of vulnerability, etc..and when I hear all that, I think, "that sounds nice...for NORMAL people!"

[woodsgnome]

What you describe closely resembles the push-pull of a relationship with first a person, then a group (which I had a huge hand in developing/founding). Last year the pull away maximized, and this year seems to have finally broken into another full-scale run away actions that I think will solidify.

Although unfamiliar with the concept, I will be investigating the Favorite Person concept, as perhaps this can aid my understanding of the role of this relationship to some rattling of the psychic cage I've felt myself wandering around in. Maybe that's normal vulnerability, but as you point out what indeed is normal when we are always living the questions, still seemingly struggling to make sense of things which seem neither logical nor normal.

Perhaps getting outside the labels can help in this regard. First step is to risk considering what's going on in unique ways, and it's a bit foreboding to risk twisting our view into a different angle. Nonetheless, it seems something those of us who've gone through the 'favorite person' (personalized or in form of a group, as it was for me).

Thanks for your pointer and wishing you well as you consider this some more.