Stranded on the EF roller coaster

[Three Roses]

Hi - have been gone from this site for a while for self care but I want you to know how important you've been to me personally. Even your posts on others' threads have given me much food for thought and many healing gifts. Your compassion for others and your gift with words are inspiring. You are inspiring. And I can honestly say although I've not seen you in your physical form, I love the you I've gotten to know here.

[Kizzie]

All I want to do is disappear to where no one knows I exist.

This is exactly how I feel when I am triggered (betrayed) by someone like you were Woodsgnome. There's a deeply wounded child inside me who still needs to dissociate and isolate when that happens, to 'not exist' so that part doesn't have to feel all the pain and loss again.

It must be so hard not having your T to help you through this but we are here so I hope you keep posting.  Harder to feel the connection I know but we are out here and we do care about you 

[woodsgnome]

Dear Everyone -- the only way to say this is that almost cliche "you don't know how much this means". And I'll add in to the don't know part. Is it too convoluted to say that what you've written is beyond knowledge? Is more of the heart than the intellect/mind? Meaning: I feel your love, even through the printed words. In that sense, your words have begun melting the iceberg in which I've taken refuge from the even colder world outside my icy bubble.

Yes, it is about 'them' (the abusers and in particular this last trusted  person who turned on me); I am okay, innocent almost, perhaps adding in that way to my desperation for security. This is  natural, and okay, but I needed discernment, too. Seeing within would have helped, to know that despite my desperation I -- and all of us -- can and might have to rely on ourselves better. This takes work, is super scary, but I guess there's no sure steps around this acceptance. It's so risky, though; and so lonely

So the only thing I know for sure is how wonderful and loving I've found your encouraging words to be. Thank you again.

[Tee]

 

[Three Roses]

 

[Not Alone]

 

[Kizzie]

 

[Jdog]

 

[Blueberry]

All I want to do is disappear to where no one knows I exist.

This is exactly how I feel when I am triggered (betrayed) by someone like you were Woodsgnome. There's a deeply wounded child inside me who still needs to dissociate and isolate when that happens, to 'not exist' so that part doesn't have to feel all the pain and loss again.

  That's what it feels like for me too.

Woodsgnome, I don't really have words of my own atm but am glad that all the responses on here seem to be helping you a bit.