Update

[Finding My Voice]

I'm entering the world of medication today -- took my first (generic) Effexor.  My mom was on it for a long time so my dr. and I are trying that first. 

This comes just in time to help me deal with DD (age 10) being diagnosed with depression and her T recommending that she start meds as well.  DD has been displaying more BPD traits lately, saying things that sound eerily similar to what my mom used to say ("I don't understand why anyone would like ___", "I feel like staying inside and not seeing anyone again").  The T says these things are due to her personality/genetics and that I'm a good mom, so I'm holding onto that thought and hoping medication will help her.  She had a rocky session and the T said she gets overwhelmed with negative feelings to where she can't pull herself out of that mindset (thinking everyone hates her).  She's been having a lot of drama at school -- telling the class she doesn't have any friends, crying because she thinks people are laughing at her when they're not -- and I worry she will end up driving away the friends she does have (she has 3-4 friends at least, but she gets herself convinced that no one likes her).

On top of that, DD is finishing up intensive physical therapy (her legs are rotated inwards and the way she walks has started causing her pain) and has to do a lot of daily exercises for the foreseeable future, and it's hard to get her to get her homework done, do all her exercises and take her shower, etc. so she can get to bed on time.  Trying to get her to do anything she doesn't want to do is like herding cats.  And she's starting cheerleading, and I'm not sure how we're going to fit everything in.  She was on the volleyball team but had to stop when she started PT, and volleyball was time-consuming but seemed to be really good for her in terms of getting exercise and building relationships.

So yeah, I guess I'm feeling a bit overwhelmed.  I want DD to be happy and well-adjusted and to have enough free time, but also to learn whatever skills (sports, art, music) will benefit her later in life, but it seems like it can't all work.  Mainly I am concerned about DD being depressed and looking more and more like she's on the BPD spectrum.  Her T says she has made improvements and that her starting T early is really good (she has been going to this T since she was 7, and this is the same T who worked with me and my parents when we did family therapy).  I keep telling myself that she is my child, not my parent and that I know I don't have to be responsible for her emotions.  But it reminds me of the suffocating despair of growing up with my BPD mom and feeling responsible for her, and then I just want to retreat and avoid everything.

[Rain]

What a Journey, FMV, for you and for your daughter.

I can imagine you are feeling overwhelmed.   All the mix of feelings.   

[schrödinger's cat]

I don't even know what to say. This reminds me of what life was like for my dd and me about 2 years ago. I can well remember how torn I felt, like everything was a tug of war with me in the middle. It drained me of energy like you can't believe. How are you doing in that aspect? Are you okay?