Did your abuser ever acknowledge? Apologize?

[dutchierich]

I'm terrified to think of what would happen if I ever confronted my abuser. I know she would deny it, and call me a liar, then I would start to doubt myself again. I've come too far to let her derail my life again. Also, it would have incredible repercussions on my family, my sisters would find out, it would be a big horrible mess. I think for the good of the innocent I'll wait until she's dead, then I'll tell my family what happened. But as for talking to her about it, no way.

[maricelt]

No. Never.
Once I asked my F - his response - Things worked out for me so what was I complaining about. It wasn't just a denial of my problems, or of his part in them, he seemed not only unrepentant, but unconcerned. It crushed me.
He's dead now. So no further movement on that front.
My brother and mother are still alive. At the moment I am not speaking to either.
I don't think either of them will understand. My mother labels me as 'fragile' - making my problems a result of my inability to cope. She refuses to even entertain the idea that my problems arise out of a very sick family dynamic. So...
I wait. Until I am capable of allowing her back into my life with new boundaries, being able to defend myself. My brother? I will make no effort to reconnect with him.

[Surviving]

My parents not only didn't apologize for sexually, physically and emotionally abusing me as a kid, they cut me off completely when I confronted them.  Their first reaction was to blame someone else - who was kind and never did anything to me.... Even though it was them of course...

They cut me out of their wills, and pretended to the rest of the family everything was fine.  When my father died, I only found out through a cousin...  My  mother put an old picture of me on top of my father's coffin and told everyone I "lived too far to come".. (About a 4 hour flight away...)  I called the funeral home about 5 minutes before the funeral and let her know what I thought of them both.  Turns out that all my cousins heard both sides of the conversation.. She tried to act normally, saying, "Bye, thanks for calling!", but they all knew the truth at that point... 

When she died, my brother didn't tell me... So about 5 minutes before the funeral I called the funeral home and told him that they were all scumbags. When he started to answer, I told him I didn't care what he had to say, and hung up. 

So confronting my abusers lost me my inheritance, but I gained a lot of self-respect... I lost out on a million dollar inheritance, but It was one of the best things I ever did.

[suffersilence]

well, for me, well, my sibling forced me to confront my abuser, then things went out of control and my sibling accused me of being demonic and causing strife in the family. I decided to cut things completely with everyone, and focused on my own healing and rebuilding. Eventually some of my family did inquire why I chose to completely cut things off. I explained about my decision to set up boundaries, and they saw my point, and they slowly accepted it. I still have a deep fear of confronting my mom because she did repeatedly say that I should forgive her and so on, and she did say sorry, but I have a deep seated disbelief in her words, as she always say sorry, then do it again.   

Right now my siblings and father is doing well, but I still have to be cautious around them.

Often my friends are amazed that I haven't had any contact with my mom for so long, but for me, it feels comfortable and safe to just enjoy life, spend time with my friends, and don't have to worry about confronting my mom.  I know its not right but still, for me, its a very deep seated fear that she wouldn't respect my boundaries.

so you know, you are not the only one who is struggling with trying to confront the abusers in your life, and I am glad I found this site, so I can feel comforted knowing that there are others in the similar predicament I am in.

S

[Techu]

Hi sailor
I've tried so many times to make my narcissistic Mother understand how cruel and abusive she has been to me but she wouldn't listen. She still thinks she is perfect, and everything she does is perfect too, and is incapable of thinking in anybody's else's feelings. If I dare yo mention any of the horrible atrocities she has done to me, she shows her disgust and contempt and give me one more time her full of hate looking making me feel like dying again... sorry my bad English; it's not my mother tongue

[Feral Child]

Twice my Mother has stated that she regrets one particular incident.  Only that one.  Both times this  happened I went into classic freeze mode.  Nothing but stunned silence.  In the silence she rambled a bit.  The gist of it was that she wanted to feel OK about what had happened. 

She has never expressed a single word of concern regarding how the incident affected me.

It was and always will be only about her.   

I can't imagine ever trying to get acknowledgment must less an apology for any of her vile transgressions.  She has no concept of the truth or of how others are affected by her actions.

Techu, I thought you expressed yourself beautifully.  Narcs will do anything to keep that fragile sense of their own perfection intact.

Much love to all here on the forum.  It is such a relief to find others who understand 

[Three Roses]

(Please let me interrupt briefly to welcome you, Techu, as I see this is your first post. Your English is great, don't worry! Thanks for joining.)