The war between my parts

[Tee]

The last couple of weeks have been a struggle.  Things that should have been fun I found myself struggling to stay in the present.

Now I'm struggling because I'm excited. This should be a good thing right...

TW
Well the last time I came remember feeling this excited about something I was blindsided by one of my most horrible things that happened to me.  So now my mind is having a war I get excited about the interview which triggers me into the bad flashback with physical bruising to go along with the horror show that my mind is replaying over and over. 
The movie that plays excited 16 year old me walking into what was suppose to be my 1 year anniversary dinner to find the jerk and like 10 drunk guys waiting. I'll let you full in the horror I'm sure your imagination is not as bad as what really happened.
End TW

Anytime something good should happen bad stuff happens instead. My head keeps reminding me all the times in my life this has been the case.  All the times I've been left all alone, with no one to care.  Been passed by when I really wanted something. 

But part of me still is excited which triggers me, and the other part is just beating my down cause I don't get the things I want. 

Of the the positions I applied for I got one interview for the one I really want, and today I got two rejection letters for the other two.  So if I don't get the job at the interview I guess my head is right.

[Three Roses]

So if I don't get the job at the interview I guess my head is right.

... or maybe that just means there's something better waiting for you around the corner. Don't give up, dear Tee. You matter and you're worthy of good, happy things. 

[Blueberry]

  as 3R says. 

[Bach]

  Agreeing with our wise friends 3R and Blueberry! 

I do relate heavily to this issue, though.  Being excited or having good things happen is horribly triggering to me.  I think sometimes I end up ruining good things because my subconscious expectation that everything good will go bad freaks me out so much.

I'm sorry you have to live with such awful flashbacks.  You do not deserve that

[Not Alone]

Tee,

So sorry that you went through such a nightmare. It is understandable that feeling excited about something is triggering for you. I do agree with the others. You are not destined for only bad in you life. If you don't get the job it doesn't mean that your thinking is right (being excited means something bad will happen). It only means that you didn't get the job. 

[Tee]

Thanks everyone I'm trying to stay positive. At this point excitement is fading to nerves which in since ways is good cause it's less triggering. I guess I'll have to wait and see.

I always forget what questions to ask at the end of an interview when they ask if I have any questions.  Any good suggestions?

[Three Roses]

The best boss that I ever had told me repeatedly, when he interviewed someone he expected questions. It was his experience that candidates who had no questions did not have the drive and self-confidence he wanted in his employees. That business had an awesome benefits package and he loved taking about it, so his favorite question was about the position's benefits. He also enjoyed talking about the beginnings of that business which was state of the art for its time (in fact we frequently had vip's flying in from around the world to tour our facility).

I found a link for you to read more about this - https://www.thebalancecareers.com/job-interview-do-you-have-questions-4138097

[Tee]

Thanks 3R there were a couple of examples I might use from that.

[Three Roses]

 

[LittleBlueBird]

Hey Tee, I dont have any real words of wisdom but wanted to wish you all the best for the interview. I've found the best way to conduct myself during an interview is be smart and confident. I found that visualising I already had been given the job helped with that. Good luck!

[Not Alone]

A question I ask at the end is, "When can I expect to hear from you?"

Others: "What is the/your next step in this (hiring) process?"  "Do you have other serious candidates?"

[Tee]

Thanks for the support everyone.  I have to wait and see now. I'm hopeful but don't know that it's in the bag. I should hear in about a week.