Saying goodbye

[LittleBlueBird]

I had a friend who I had a really complicated relationship with from a young age. We met up a bit last year and I struggled a lot to maintain any sense of autonomy - she would suggest things, I would do them, I found her manipulative and emotionally controlling.

I kept going with the friendship, trying really hard to overlook the things I picked up as negatives. I kept overlooking and forgiving her because to be honest, that's my nature.

But things got way out of hand. I tried to get distance between us but it just wasn't working, until I had to tell her I was at breaking point.

Now I know she would have perceived things differently from me. I know she has her own struggles to deal with and yes, she also went through a lot growing up.

My problem is that I think of her almost every day and regret the way things went. When we were still in contact I struggled because I regretted the way things were and just wanted them to be different. But nothing would change because I couldnt really explain how I felt she was taking advantage of me when I was really ill, confused and depressed.

Did I do the right thing? It's constantly playing on my mind. I hate that I have cut her off because that was something she was afraid of. Very complex situation...

[Tee]

  sometimes the hardest thing to do is take care of ourselves.

[Three Roses]

sometimes the hardest thing to do is take care of ourselves.

Especially when we've been conditioned to always ignore our own pain and attend to the needs & wishes of everyone else before our own.

You are worthy of respect, and having two-way relationships that are mutually beneficial. 

[LittleBlueBird]

  thank you Tee and 3R