New here, Hi ***TW DV, alcohol***

[sherine]

Hi,
I'm new here and just learned of my CPTSD. I'm almost 32 years old but my CPTSD has been with me since my early 20s stemming from my childhood years of repeated traumatic events and followed by more traumatic events in my adulthood. So, I don't know what forum I should be in the childhood or adulthood forum?

I grew up not knowing my dad because he was active in the Navy till I was 9. My mom was 17-18 yo when she had me and my brother came 2 years after me.

*** TW domestic violence, alcoholism ***



I am an Adult Child of an alcoholic. My interactions, still to this day and back through my childhood, are of my dad being drunk and breaking things, screaming, my parents constantly arguing and fighting, leaving the house when he was acting like that and or hiding so he wouldn't come find me. 

As I grew older, my dads drunken rages ended up with me bleeding, being choked, having to listen to him ramble about how much he loves me to then go off the deep end and start punching/breaking everything near him.

*End TW*


I left the house when I was 17 and had my first son by 19 and second son at 22 with my ex that treated me and the kids like pictures on a wall. My kids are both autistic and have other disabilities on the spectrum and I had zero support from their dad and all of the family. I thought I was strong enough to take all of it on by myself but was wrong when I turned to marijuana to numb my pain so I could be focused on my children's issues and everything they needed.

I quit marijuana many years ago and that's when all my crazy symptoms came flooding in. I was in the darkest place of my life, trying to survive living.

There are so many more working parts and pieces to my journey but I don't want this to be too long. To summarize those parts, childhood neglect, emotional abuse, sexual abuse, rape, near death experience, my children's journeys, alcoholism, substance use, constant anxiety, OCD, CPTSD, and physical symptoms of anxiety that feel life threatening are all parts of my journey.

I am hopeful to find others similar to me so that I don't feel so alone and can hopefully come to accept things for just what they are and not be so terrified to live each day.
Thanks for reading 

[Three Roses]

Hello and welcome to the forum!

I don't know what forum I should be in the childhood or adulthood forum?

Of course you're free to post in whichever, but it seems to me from what you've said that childhood was where it began for you. Like you, I had a raging father who was physically violent and verbally abusive. He was ex-military (Navy) and had been in battle in WWII.

childhood neglect, emotional abuse, sexual abuse, rape, near death experience, my children's journeys, alcoholism, substance use, constant anxiety, OCD, CPTSD, and physical symptoms of anxiety that feel life threatening are all parts of my journey.

I share many of these with you. Two instances where a family member (F and older sibling) tried to end my life. Later, a rape that I wasn't sure I would survive. Sadly, you will find these things are completely understood by our forum members, but on the plus side you'll find a ton of support from people here because we "get it" and won't tell you you're crazy, or just get over it, or whatever (as I'm sure you have heard from friends and family).

Anyway, thanks for posting and welcome to the forum! 

[Blueberry]

Welcome to the forum, sherine!  You will find members on here with similar traumatic experiences from childhood and later, as well as lots of information and support.

I don't know what forum I should be in the childhood or adulthood forum?

Of course you're free to post in whichever, but it seems to me from what you've said that childhood was where it began for you.

Thanks 3R

More members post on the Childhood boards. The Adult boards were set up later at the request of members who weren't traumatised till adulthood because they thought that some aspects of childhood-onset cptsd doesn't apply to them. As 3R says, you can post where you like, but you'll get more readers and responses to childhood-onset themes if you're on the Childhood boards.

[Jazzy]

Hi Sherine, welcome!

I'm sorry to hear you've been through such a rough time. Dealing with all of this stuff can be really difficult, but you have a great goal!

I am hopeful to find others similar to me so that I don't feel so alone and can hopefully come to accept things for just what they are and not be so terrified to live each day.

All the best in your recovery journey. Feel free to post wherever you feel is most appropriate, when you're ready. Take care!

[Not Alone]

Welcome. 

[Snowdrop]

Hi Sherine, and welcome!

[Kizzie]

Hi Sherine and a warm welcome to OOTS     I am also the adult child of an alcoholic (my F) who served in the military in WW2 and through to retirement so you are most definitely not alone any more.  We get what the trauma life can throw at you can do so I hope you feel comfortable here to keep talking about what you need to to move out of the daily, sometimes hourly storm that is CPTSD.