Extremes of emotion - awareness of trigger / ef

[Boatsetsailrose]

*trigger warning *

Hello


Thank u for being here
I seem to be getting the hang of what are my triggers / ef situations.

Firstly - this sensitivity around other people - really being sensitive to their moods, body language , their energetics and behaviour.
An example of this - yesterday my house mate comes bounding in excited she has a new car and asks if I want to see it . I walk to the door and smile and say ' ooh it's shiney '. She bounds ahead as if to show me up close . I don't move .
When back in the house she is 'high in emotion' and that is ok right ok for her.
I am not high on emotion - I'm just level-
I can see her reading my body language - lack of boundaries - in my space and I feel very uncomfortable. I work to hold my own - be friendly and receptive / expressive but not people please or put on the actress
We interact for some time
Then the guilt - start to feel guilty - I'm not what she wanted me to be -
Feel bad for not being more enthusiastic
This spirals into 'I'm a bad person ' 'I'm not normal ' feelings of guilt and then later darker thoughts - and hiding in bed
Whilst all this is happening I am able to almost watch myself 'be objective ' and know I am in a flash back - these always tend to lead to 'I'm a bad person ' default settings
I look at p walkers chapter 8 emergency list and take on some of the points / actions
I speak with someone on the phone and tell of my sentitivity to others -
The person talks about 'they have learnt to say no in lots of ways and it has got better -
Being authentic

Being able to say no - that's it - I May feel guilt ( and I don't want to ) but I know this is right - asserting my own boundaries but staying kind
Focusing on me and not them so much
What do I need right now

Being authentic without being rude
Yes !
Any tips from p walker book or elsewhere gratefully received ( I'm finding his book hard to digest I think

Emotions spiral quick in me - being able to watch them and see they are not fact is very liberating
I am a good person is a belief I feel more honestly these days

To feel comfortable in my own skin is my one true aim

My therapist said relating tends to be our hardest area - how true !

[KayFly]

Hi BoatSetSailRose

I want to say you are absolutely right in being authentic with your feelings. I respect that. I just have a couple of questions...

Did she do something to make you feel guilty?

When you said lack of boundaries, you mean, she was in your space?

It sounds like your critic may have sent you into a downward spiral for actually revealing yourself. I'm sorry for your pain. I hope it has passed now and that you can move forward in stopping your critic, when you can, as much as you can. For being your authentic self, is the most helpful presence of yourself and for others.

[tiggerd2]

BoatSetSailRose-
I don't fake emotions well at all. I don't know what happened. It seemed as though one day I woke up and couldn't fake it anymore.  My attempts to 'people please' or 'suck up' to someone is painful to watch.

You don't need to match her mood. I believe part of being an adult means another person can be highly emotional (up or down) and another doesn't have take on that energy to join with them.
I've been really excited about something before and the best thing which happened was the person acknowledged my happiness and energy.
You didn't sound rude. I didn't hear anything you did as inappropriate.

Maybe isn't an issue as easy as not being able to relate to others. Maybe it's what is going on at the time.
It's funny-- or not-- I can visualize myself in that situation.

I realize this is an extreme example but if someone is all excited about NASCAR (sorry any NASCAR fans) and is bubbling over telling me about which driver did what and how, my response is - I shake my head up and down as in 'yes', I say "yep, ookk, ggreaatt". My brain is saying "why are they telling me this?" The look on my face is confused.

I see you have a great ability to observe and gain insight. 

[Dutch Uncle]

Nice one! 

Very appealing.

[arpy1]

yup, Boatsetsailrose, i know whatcha mean. 

i wonder how many of us are high masters in the art of reading other people and trying to fit ourselves into their specifications. someone once told me i was a chamaeleon (how do you spell that word, you know, the lizardy thing that changes colour to fit? )

sounds to me that you did a big step in that you refused to change colour to fit in with her, and then got all the flak that your inner critic thought you had coming for that.

Well done you, i say. i haven't even begun to tackle that stuff. i am full of respect that you can.  your inner critic probably hates me too now, for saying that. (mine is telling me right this second that i am totally full of b/s and should just shut up. she never liked me anyway)  but i hope the authentic you might feel a bit encouraged.

tiggerd2 - the look on my face is also confused... what is nascar? do i not know becos i am old, or becos i am english or becos i am a bit thick?

[Boatsetsailrose]

Thank you all -
Yes inner critic when I revealed myself as less than perfect -

I don't know too well the terminology yet ... But yes that is it inner critic
Judges me - sends me to the black hole -

I am so glad I can come here and you all give me support and understanding - invaluable !!

Learning more skills is a good move I feel to be authentic self - I like that word 'authentic '
And compassion to self and others - yes very good