I am livid and wrote to abusive sister

[holidayay]

Vent post

I find myself realising more and more and more everyday I have been no contact with abusive family. I get furious and then feel despair.
How DARE they behave the way they did and I am living with endless nightmares and flashbacks?
People have suggested writing a letter and not sending it.

Well today I got so angry, I wrote a letter and sent it on instagram along with 2 paragraphs outlining abusive behaviour to my sister, who is a wretched human being. I then blocked her.

Yes, I know it is pointless to try to converse with narcissistic people about taking accountability. My therapist has said this, my friends who know my family have said this, and i know it too. Well, that's what the blocking function is for. She can read it and not have the ability to reply with her usual pathological lying and gaslighting. Isn't that what they train us to do anyway, not be able to have a voice? Why can't I tell these people exactly what I think of them? They have ZERO problem with telling others
I want her to know I know what her behaviour is and who she is. I'm too angry! I CANNOT believe what my whole life had been!!
This anger feels so FRUITLESS if there's nothing that can be done. Why can't I simply communicate how hurt I am to them and be heard and things talked out, apologies exchanged where necessary and resolution occurring?

What is the meaning of all this narcissistic nonsense and why was I born into it? It's like inheriting a more than full-time job from the time we have been conceived and after surviving the 'training' then have to go about trying to 'fix' and 'undo' and it doesn't make any sense!!!

And of all things, she calls herself 'ex-doctor' on her social page. And a bunch of other lies. She was never a doctor, she was kicked out of medical school when they got fed up of her dramatics and lousy attitude.

[holidayay]

(and no, she wasn't on my instagram before - i unblocked her to send the letter before blocking her again) - people do seem eager to jump in to remind me 'no contact is best' 'you obviously haven't been no contact if you were able to message her'.

I had been no contact. I unblocked her.
I'm just not in the mood to be criticised and corrected today, as what seems to happen quickly and often. I wish us victims were allow licence to be less than perfect and capable as much as the enablers allow perpetrators.

[holidayay]

I'm beginning to feel guilty now.

Its like I should know better. Like I should understand she can't give me reasonableness, that its not within her capability. That getting angry with her will just cause her distress. I already used that as reason to stay quiet for so many years.
But...what about my distress?


C-PTSD....trauma that keeps on giving.