Helpful Article called 'Why No Contact is Essential if You Love Your Abuser'

[Hope67]

This is an article by Vicki Peterson, and is called 'Why No Contact is Essential if You Love Your Abuser' and it is under the label of 'Complex Trauma, Resources for Survivors', and I really found that Vicki said a lot of things that I really related to.  I hope it's helpful to others too.

https://somethingtosayafterabusecom.com/2020/03/12/why-no-contact-is-essential-if-you-love-your-abuser/

Hope 

[Not Alone]

No contact means I accept reality. It means I am not trying to fix or save them. It means I am now free to form healthy bonds with others who are capable of love. Peterson

Really good article. Thanks for sharing it.

[dreamriver]

This really shined through to me today. Thanks for sharing 

[Kizzie]

Really resonated with me also Hope, tks for sharing it   

I appreciated her simple way of framing why she went NC when it comes up now. "My parents are abusive and it's unsafe for me to be around them."   Period, full stop, end of story.  I've come to that place too where I know it was them and not me finally.  That was a long time coming though, decades really. Thankfully now there are books like "It's Not You, It's What Happened to You" by Christine Courtois, this blog and many others that help us to place the responsibility where it belongs, stop beating ourselves up, and get the treatment/help we need to recover/heal. 

I also related to her description of a "giant wound"  because "there are yet-to-be-healed parts of me that ache for a family that does not exist".  Same for me.  I know my wound is smaller than it was, I don't ache as much any more and I have accepted my much wished for family does not and will never exist.  I do wonder though if that hole or wound will ever go away completely.