New Dog - Husband's Anxiety is Through the Roof

[SGB]

So my husband and I just got a new rescue dog 2 weeks ago, and he is having a very, very hard time adjusting to the change. I have CPTSD childhood and he has both CPTSD childhood and CPTSD adult (military war veteran).

I had a very rough first 5 days but it seems to be leveling out now that we're sleeping better. But he is not taking it well at all now that we're entering week 3 and he is having full blown anxiety attacks almost daily (he hasn't been this bad in about 4 years).

We initially talked about adding a 2nd dog to the family since it was something we have wanted for the past 3 years but did not have the space to do so until now. The rescue is a great, easy going dog and going into this we both agreed that it was going to be a family dog. Well, the 2nd day into new doggo being with us, husband lays it on me that I now have to take care of newbie all by myself because he can't mentally cope. Okay, no problem, I can handle the feeding and outdoor time.

But now I've noticed that husband is getting annoyed at every single thing the dog does, even if it's just standing in a hallway or simply looking at him. Husband has now tells me that he simply can't open his heart up to love something else since he has to do that with me and our current dog, and that he is essentially maxed out. He is sobbing out of nowhere, constantly moody, locking himself away, and having full blown anxiety attacks at this point. PTSD is out in force.

The last 24 hours have been rife with me crying and being upset - one: because of dealing with and trying to mitigate the husband and, two: because I'm starting to think that we may have to give the dog up. My husband is my priority but I've grown attached to the dog, and I am just heartbroken over thinking about giving him back to the rescue. It's hard for me not to blame my husband for putting me through all of this these last 2 weeks.

I don't know what to do at this point....I'm just at a loss for words and mentally drained. If we keep the dog, I run the risk of continual husband issues because he is having a very hard time adjusting to change - I know it will get better over time but is it worth it to me, him, or the dog? How long will it take to get to a 'new normal' (rhetorical Q)? If we give up the dog, I am utterly heartbroken but at least the pain is only temporary. At least that is how I'm looking at it.

I don't know at this point. My anxiety and depression is through the roof trying to keep the ship sailing because right now it feels like I'm under the surface and breathing through a straw.

Should we keep the new dog or return him? At this point I just want to return him to make this all go away, but that's just me wanting to run away and hide. Make everything better. Hide the things that are hurting me. Make it go back to the way things were before...an easier life. Welp, here come the tears.

Any advise or suggestions are welcomed. Thanks guys.

[Three Roses]

Sometimes when I have a difficult decision to make, it helps me to reverse the roles with the other person in the equation. If I were the one who found myself in a situation where I'm having such a hard time, I would want the support of my spouse. I would want my spouse to know that it was something that I fully expected myself to be able to do, but in reality and in practice finding it near impossible.

It's also not fair to the dog, imo, to expect him to live in a house where there is so much stress around his addition to the household. Since you're asking for advice, my advice would be to let the dog go back to the rescue with an explanation.

For some reason your spouse is highly triggered in this situation and imo needs understanding and compassion. I hope you've found my comments helpful because that's how it's meant, to give you supportive info, and not to try and tell you what to do. 

[Kizzie]

Just my thoughts for what they're worth.  If your H was having bad allergy attacks to the dog, you would return it so maybe it would help think of his anxiety in the same way?  He didn't realize he would react but he is and in quite a major way so for the sake of his health it might be an idea to return it. The dog is likely to be feeling all the stress and tension so a new home is likely the best solution for it too. It might help you to think about how it will do in a home with less stress if you are feeling guilty or upset about returning it.   

[SGB]

Thanks guys, well we gave it another 2-3 weeks but nothing was really changing. In the best interest of my husband, I relinquished the dog back to the rescue today. I'm absolutely heartbroken but know it's for the best.

[Bach]

Awww I'm so sorry you had to give up the dog.  Here's a gentle hug if you want it 

[Three Roses]

So sorry to hear it came to that. Even when you know it's best, things can be terribly difficult. 💔

[Kizzie]

Sorry you are having to deal with this loss SGB

[Blueberry]

I'm sorry