Inner child renewal

[Widdiful Falling]

When I first read about inner child work, I dismissed it as a bunch of new age garbage. Even if it is real, I thought, I'm an adult now. I have no need for a child.

Then, I found out about the inner critic, and that resonated deeply with me. I knew I had an inner critic, even before I knew what to call it. I learned how to tell it (with varying degrees of efficacy) to shut its nasty face one night when I had a breakdown, and was almost consumed by suicidal thoughts. The same people who talked about the inner critic, also talked about the inner child. So, I decided to try and talk with it as though it existed.

I accessed it, finally, and I can say that it is just as real a part of me as the inner critic, if more repressed. My inner child is wonderful. I accessed a part of my grief I had never known even existed, and it feels wonderful. She goes away sometimes, but she's never too far now, sitting at her lovely piano, surrounded with things she can hold. She's truly a gift I would not have if not for this forum. Thank you, from the bottom of both of our hearts. Hopefully, one day, we can become one.

[Rrecovery]

Hi WF and congratulations on meeting and seeing the wonder of your inner-child    I would say that the inner-child is much more real than the inner-critic; the inner-child is your authentic self - a real person, the inner-critic is a tape in the head created by exposure to various stimulation and it can be uncreated.  I think telling the inner-critic to "shut its nasty face" is a great strategy.  What it spews is garbage with no truth to it at all.  Your inner-child is a real person; a unique and wonderful person - it can be suppressed/repressed but it can never be uncreated.  I'm a huge fan of inner-child work.  It helped me to truly love and value myself.  I also give the inner-critic no quarter - I complete eradicated that sucker.  When it tries to pop up about once a year I just laugh at how ridiculous and foolish it is and it runs away with it's tail between it's legs. 

[Sandals]

That's so beautiful of you to share your relationship with her. How old is she? What else does she like to do?

[Rrecovery]

Sandals, I noticed your signature, awesome!!  I would say that inner-child work was a huge part of me coming to believe these truths, through and through:

My truths:
1. I matter
2. I have purpose
3. I deserve love & kindness
4. I am only responsible for ME
5. I am alive and have essential value
6. I am a child of life
7. I am lovable just the way I am
8. I have a voice and am worthy of being heard

I've decided to use them as my Cptsd signature too.  I don't think we can possibly see them too often. 

[C.]

I agree whole heartedly.  I find that my inner-child and my inner-mommy are a great balance and authentically me.  Since I'm a pretty skillful parent I use those talents w/my IC b/c she, though playful, sweet and fun, would live on cookies and candy if mommy-me didn't remind her about the wonders of fruits and veggies   But I've found that's her only "flaw" and she's learning it's a flawed thought of equating sugar with love that she learned from "old-mommy" (my "real" mom).

[wingnut]

Argh. I am about to head down the Inner Child road in therapy and it scares me. I have a big inner child that still lives loudly, that jokes, makes up goofy songs, does stupid dances and makes weird noises. But with the T, I have to face the sad, abused and lonely side of her.


Funny side note: Several years ago, someone found a coloring book at a yard sale with my name in it from when I was 5 years old. They knew my father, bought the coloring book and returned it to him, and he sent it to me. 40 years later, this coloring book resurfaced! How crazy is that? Where had it traveled over that time? Now, I told my T about this and she wants me to bring it in next week. Im guessing there is coloring in my future...

[C.]

Great story Wingnut.  I came across a favorite coloring book from my childhood a few years ago too, but not with the back story you describe.  Sometimes things are just meant to be.

[Widdiful Falling]

That's so beautiful of you to share your relationship with her. How old is she? What else does she like to do?

She's 7. She likes playing piano, making up songs, rocking her dolls to sleep, somersaulting, and frilly clothes. She really, really wants to keep everyone around her happy. She is where my pacifism comes from. She really likes the bird nest outside of my window. I can see the mommy bird come home and feed her little ones.

She really dislikes being bored. I've always had a tendency to continually do stuff, without any downtime. She needs hugs sometimes, just because.

I recently found a toy of mine that I thought I'd lost forever. It's the only thing I have left from my childhood. It's a chick that is sitting on half its egg, that you can spin around. I think it was called a weeble. Anyway, I've had it since I was two. It's been everywhere with me. I showed it to my SO for the first time today, and broke down crying when he started playing with it. I thought he would think it was stupid. But he didn't say anything, just started spinning it across the table. I love him so much.

[Rrecovery]

I agree whole heartedly.  I find that my inner-child and my inner-mommy are a great balance and authentically me.  Since I'm a pretty skillful parent I use those talents w/my IC b/c she, though playful, sweet and fun, would live on cookies and candy if mommy-me didn't remind her about the wonders of fruits and veggies   But I've found that's her only "flaw" and she's learning it's a flawed thought of equating sugar with love that she learned from "old-mommy" (my "real" mom).

Yes!  The good inner-mommy can be cultivated!  I still find myself feeling envious of people who have good parents; feeling ripped off because I didn't have that.  But I have an inner-parent who is awesome!  She has my back 24/7 whether it's to comfort, encourage or correct in a firm but kind manner.   

WF: So glad you have met your wonderful inner-child and are cultivating a relationship with her. I notice that you are 23.  How wonderful that you are doing this work while you are so young. 

[wingnut]

Yes my T said mine is hard to reach too behealthy. When I was young I hid in closets, under beds and so on. BUT I am committed to me and am dragging that book and an old photo of very sad little me into her office. She pointed out how I couldn't even look at photo when I took it in before. My inner child was too "in my face." So I'm bracing for round 2.

Do any of you identify w the IC thru photos? It's evocative.

[wingnut]

Well good to know it's not just me. My kindergarten school photo, I look so so sad I could be a poster child for childhood depression. It's a mainline to the heart looking at that thing.

Thanks for sharing.

[C.]

My photos are a bit mixed between happy and sad.  The new awareness part for me was that I was always told I looked beautiful, emotions were never addressed.  But I have a picture of me looking inside the hospital at my mother after she birthed my brother.  She and her friend are looking at the camera, smiling and happy.  I am gazing at my mom, looking heart broken, like she'd just abandoned me.  Which is undoubtedly how I felt.  I did point the my sadness out recently to my parents...I got no response, but it felt good to say look at me, I was sad, I felt like my mommy had left me forever...and I don't mean to take away from the joy of my brother's birth, that's true, but the picture was of me, my mom, and her friend, so it wasn't about his birth...it was about our responses...

[wingnut]

Sounds like a powerful.photo.
that's the thing about them - they make our history real. Validation.

[C.]

Exactly