Saying No

[grace4]

Does anyone else have trouble saying no to people? I find myself in a flashback every time I have to say no. It's something I'd like to work on more but I'm not sure where to begin. Thanks for your help!

[Aphotic]

Welcome to the forum, grace.

I can definitely relate to this though. And I think it's one of the biggest reasons why those with trauma have a tendency to gravitate towards unhealthy relationships. Once you've been taught that your emotions are not as valid as others', it ruins your sense of self worth and respect. We end up sacrificing our needs for others because it's what we think we must do - and thus, this usually gets us into even more trouble unfortunately.

But a part of recovering with CPTSD is unlearning this habit, and to give ourselves the respect we deserve. It's a 'practice makes perfect' sort of thing I believe, just at least have to start.
For me I had to first identify what a healthy relationship looked like, then surround myself around those people. Only then was I able to feel comfortable that I wouldn't be shunned for respecting myself, and I'm slowly learning how to say 'no'. But I still have a lot more practice to go. First I'll get good at it with my friends, then strangers, then my enemies.

[Three Roses]

Welcome! Although I'm sorry you had occasion to find us, I'm glad you have.

Saying no has gotten easier over time. Learning that I have the right to take care of myself first was mind blowing! Here's a rather lengthy but really helpful article on boundaries, why we don't have them, and how to learn them for ourselves. Glad you're here, thanks for joining!


http://www.new-synapse.com/aps/wordpress/?p=1911

[grace4]

Thanks so much!!

[Marian82]

I have similar issues with boundaries. The article almost made me cry, so spot on was it.