LIttle Hope Wanted To Say Sorry to the Bumble Bee

[Hope67]

Whilst I was walking today, I saw a bumble bee on the ground, and it was then that Little Hope showed me flashbacks of her experience when she was very little, when she was playing on her bike, and saw a bumble bee, and she played a game where she drove her bike very close to the bumble bee, and she has felt so guilty and ashamed of that, and often shows me that flashback in my adult life, and today I was talking to her (silently in my head) as I walked and telling her that she didn't do anything wrong, the bumble bee was ok, and she didn't mean to play a game with his/her life in that way - because she had always shown caring to birds and insects as a child.  I reminded her how she had cared for a little bird who had fallen from a tree (although another adult part of me realises that maybe helping a baby bird isn't the right thing either, as their Mummy would look after the bird hopefully).

Little Hope was wailing and upset inside my head whilst I walked, and I tried to comfort her, and I told her I'd write about it here, where she has lots of friends who care about her, and that we'd share what she did and how she felt, and that they would be caring towards her too.  Just as I am.  She hasn't done anything wrong. 

Another part of me told me that I'd 'feel silly' to write this here, and nearly stopped me from doing so, but I said to that part that Little Hope is ok for me to write it, and I am doing so, because I care about Little Hope's feelings and if I say I'll do something, then I will NOT let her down, I'll do it.  So here I am, and I'm writing it.

Part of me is emotional as I write this, and I wonder if Little Hope can see that there is care for her here, and that when I read this back some other time, that she'll see that she matters and that I care about her.

Hope 

[sanmagic7]

little hope, of course there is care for you here.  thank you for sharing your story.  you didn't do anything wrong.  sending you love and a large, gentle embrace, if that's ok with you. 

and, hope, congrats on showing the courage to be true to your word toward little hope.  she sees that and it's building trust and a beautiful bond between the two of you.  love and a hug filled with care for you, too.

[Snowdrop]

I hear that Little Hope was upset, and I would like her to know that it's ok. She didn't do anything wrong. The bumble bee wasn't harmed, and I know it wasn't her intention to harm it in any way. She was playing, and playing is good. I know how caring and compassionate she is. She would never hurt the bumble bee, and she didn't.

I care about Little Hope, and I know how much you care about her too, Hope. She is so precious and valued, and she hasn't done anything wrong. She matters. She's important.

I would like to thank Little Hope for trusting you enough to share her feelings and experiences with you. Also for being brave enough to let you post this in a place where you are both cared for. The part who thinks it's silly is probably just trying to protect you, but it's not silly because this is a safe space. I'm so glad you're listening to your parts and looking after Little Hope in this way.

Sending love and hugs to you, Hope, and to Little Hope if that is something that feels safe and welcome to her.

[Hope67]

Hi SanMagic & Snowdrop,
Thank you so much for what you wrote - Little Hope read your words yesterday, and she was overcome with emotion, and I just wanted to say that I appreciate so much what you said.  It really helped to hear those words.  They mean a lot.  I am sure that Little Hope will be re-reading them, when she needs to, and thank you.
Hope 

[Snowdrop]

I'm glad it helped.

I had other thoughts this morning based on things which have helped me, and I will write them here in case they're helpful. As always, please ignore if they're not.

I wonder if Little Hope sharing her experience has made her bumble bee burden feel a little bit lighter. Maybe this is something that she might notice?

I also wonder how she might feel if you imagined the bumble bee taking flight. In my mind, I can see its wings whirring, taking off from the ground, flying round Little Hope's head to show her that it's ok, and then flying off to find some bright flowers.

[Hope67]

Hi Snowdrop, Yes, it definitely helped, and I also appreciate those suggestions - they are going to be helpful too - I feel sure of it.

I also wanted to say that I think both you and SanMagic entered my imagination last night, when I was trying to sleep, and that Little Hope was feeling scared - and I tried to reassure her that things were ok, by imagining a garden around us, and Mama Bear (a figure who I was introduced to by possibly Kat in another post) was there to protect the space, but there was a picket fence around the garden, and then I imagined there were some Magic things in the air (referencing to SanMagic) colourful swirls, and there were some snowdrops growing in the garden in a circular pattern - like protection (which I feel sure was related to your name and your support) and also I thought of Deep Blue sky (again thinking of someone whom me and little hope like and value support from) - and I thought of Sceal for the Sky, and Notalone as a name to remind myself that we weren't alone.

So it was like I imagined so many influences and themes in that night, and I did sleep ok, and Hope felt safer.  So thank you to everyone.

(I must add that there are concerns about the Bumble Bee still, as I think another part of me wonders if maybe that part had wanted to hurt the Bee, rather than let it free - and I wonder if the part that rubs things out might not let me see what really happened.  I think that the Bee was free to fly away, as I don't remember it dying, but I know that Little Hope feels guilt about it, and that it often comes to her mind, especially when she sees a Bee in real life on the ground.

But today when I was walking, Little Hope was noticing flowers and she seemed to be skipping along beside me, rather than worrying about the Bees, so I think that progress is happening.

Thank you!   

Hope 

[Snowdrop]

That's lovely, Hope.

[Not Alone]

Little Hope, I so glad you were able to skip outside and notice the flowers today. You are precious.

[Hope67]

Thanks Snowdrop and Notalone 
Hope