Learning to sing

[sigiriuk]

Dear Friends
I am writing this down here to make sense of it.

I have recently admitted to myself, that I feel I am repulsive. I feel my personality is pure ugliness, like a grossly deformed creature. I am terrified that people will see it.
I firmly believe that my insides are hideous, and made ugly by years of abuse.

I have singing lessons. Good singers show their true self. And so, I struggle with lessons, in case  my teacher sees my ugliness, and hence an audience will also see it.

Saal

[saylor]

Dear Slim, this is just an idea.... What if the ugliness you're feeling is actually pain? And what if your singing conveys that pain in a way that helps others, who may also be hurting? What if you can heal a little bit, and help others heal a little bit, by sharing, by giving some light to the pain, by opening the way for some release from it? You're human and you deserve to feel your own worth and find your voice. You have been caring to others on here—so I know you're not ugly inside

Please don't second-guess your right to sing and be heard

[OceanStar]

I will hold your hand while you sing.

[Blueberry]

The abuse was undoubtedly ugly but that doesn't make you ugly. I've never read anything from you on here that sounded or felt ugly to me.

As far as I know singing lessons bring 'things' up so that in addition to working on voice, posture, breathing etc etc you or anybody may end up working on more than you bargained for. That's how it was for me when I was taking singing lessons. The lessons did me a lot of good, though they were often exhausting. But that just showed me how hard my body and my soul were working.

I'm happy to stand next to you while you sing, if that helps.

[sigiriuk]

Thank you for your support.
Getting in touch with these feelings, is a big step for me.
I need to reassure and talk to myself nicely and supportively, as you have done with me.
Slim

[Three Roses]

The question of identity is something that humans are struggling with in great number these days. We are not the things that happened to us. We are not our abuse. We may feel ugly (I know I do) but we are not defined by internal feelings or emotions as those are fleeting - however, I believe we are defined at least in part by how we treat others. This makes you pretty great in my opinion. 

It's what comes out of you, not what goes into you, that determines how you are seen.

[Kizzie]

It isn't you that's ugly or deformed Slim, it's what was done to you and how you were made to feel.  If you were to envision what happened to you happening to someone you love, how would it make you feel?  Would you think they were ugly or would you be angry at the person abusing them?

I hope you can sing your sadness and grief and then maybe it will turn to something more joyful or freer at least.