SaB's 2nd journal

[Not Alone]

I'm feeling very sad about things in general, although I have 'nothing to feel sad about'. But I'm sad about my want for love, my need to be seen and felt, and how the world is just so harsh in general. I'm getting older, things that seemed magical to me as a child just seem mundane and meaningless. This might be a slight dip in mood not quite a depression.

Strangely, the change in seasons, from winter to spring always challenges me. It's as if in winter, I don't feel bad for hiding away indoors and keeping warm. In spring and summer, there is much more of a perception that i 'should be' outside enjoying picnics, wine in the park, etc etc with some picture perfect friends. My world isn't like that and it never will be. I sometimes despise the media for painting ideal pictures everywhere.

You do have reasons for your sadness. Even if you weren't able to identify the reasons, your sadness is legitimate.

I feel like that in the spring also. I've never verbalized that to anyone, ever. I see people out, doing things, living life, and I feel like I should also be out there and be happy. Thank you for sharing that.

[SharpAndBlunt]

Thank you, notalone   

[Hope67]

Hi SaB,
I read what you wrote about the 'picture perfect friends' in the park enjoying life - it's definitely something portrayed in the media and adverts and stuff like that.  I also read what you wrote about things seeming to have more joy when you're a child, and how they can feel less exciting and shiny when you're older.  I realise I'm just repeating what you said now, and not really making a point with my reply, but I wanted to just say that I heard what you were saying, and I hope that some things in today can be nicer.  I'm really not making my point well here, sorry.  Words are not coming to me easily at this point.

Anyway, I'll just send you a hug, if that's ok. 
Hope 

[SharpAndBlunt]

Hi Hope, thank you  , a hug is always ok :-)

Maybe what you are getting at is that things *can* be nice, even later in life. I think maybe that's what I am taking from your words, which is absolutely great. Thank you.

I'm relating to feelings a bit. It's hard, but it's necessary work. But part of it is being able to appreciate things now. I still feel that sense I was talking about sometimes, and I think after lockdown lifts it will get worse, but I seem to have got used to spring now, and I am loving the blossoms and the bird song among a couple of other things.

[Hope67]

Hi Sharpandblunt,
Yes, the blossoms are lovely at this time of year.  I'm glad you're enjoying them.  I hope that May is treating you well too. 
Hope